BRAT in the HAT!

COMMERCIALS SUCK NO MATTER WHERE YOU GET THEM!

2011-07-02T11:57:00.000-07:00

I finally took the plunge and dumped my cable TV. Now I watch television on the internet via Hulu and Netflix and a few other places. Netflix is a good deal, for around ten bucks a month I can watch anything streaming and get as many DVDs (one at a time) as I want a month. Hulu and Infinity (formerly Fancast) are SORTA free . . . but each week they take one more program/series off their free list and stick it on their subscribers list. Infinity makes you sign up at Comcast - which means you're back paying a cable bill again - only this time you can only get it on internet devices.

I can see the way they're all going and pretty soon I suspect I'll be paying as much to them as I did to cable, which is a crying shame. But in the meantime I get pretty much everything I want to see (with a few notable exceptions) free or for a minimal fee.
Netflix is great right now because I can see all those great premium cable shows (Spartacus, Dexter, Etc) now but they dole them out in little parcels to keep you paying that ten bucks. Plus there's a ton of movies I've missed that I can see one way or the other. It's a deal for the price.
Of course, all of these services are supported by ads, just like television has been since it's inception. I don't have a problem with that though when you watch streaming there's no way to avoid the commercials except to mute your device. The only problem is that so many of the "sponsors" (those companies that are streaming those ads) don't quite get what they're doing. All of this content is done in flash and sometimes the ad will be cranked up so high in volume it can knock you out of your chair!

Television ads have always been loud - it's not the volume, they're not allowed to go above a certain volume level by law - it's the decibels. Somehow they've kept within the legal volume restrictions and have managed to still blast their crap at you. Now online they're doing it as well.
Face it, folks, we are NEVER going to get away from ads while viewing our favorite movies or TV programs. Advertising is the wallet that drives the entertainment party, but it would be nice if they didn't deafen us while hawking their crap. So, WHY DO WE HAVE TO PAY TO WATCH TELEVISION?? Anyone else remember when television was free??
ON AN UP NOTE

At least I'm saving a few bucks in the meantime. Follow me on Twitter Friend me on Facebook Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

Seriously? Celeberity Hair Styles? Who Give a Sh*T????

2010-06-11T21:54:00.000-07:00

I have just finished a whole bottle of Yellow Tail Chardonnay by myself. Not the best time to be online. I go check my mail on Yahoo and this is what I see.

Seriously, who gives a shit???? Now, normally I wouldn't use the word "shit" in a post but -SERIOUSLY - do I CARE what some stupid twit-10 minute-celebrity is doing with her or his hair in today's world?

People are homeless, normal-everyday-regular-joes are losing their homes, people who have spent their whole lives working for a company are being thrown out on the street like a used shoe and Yahoo wants me to give a damn about some vapid, 15 minute of fame mediocre actress's updo???

Bite me.

I'm going to sleep and hoping to wake up to a world where idiots and narcissistic twits have fallen into a hole and REAL people are sipping martinis on a soft sandy beach and laughing at the
morally corrupt and financially irresponsible big wigs who have sent us in a downward spiral.

You know who you are, assholes.

I say again, BITE ME!

THE GLOVES ARE OFF!

BTW, Prince Poppycock rocked on America's Got Talent.

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Burp? Fart? Newest Designs from RANTORIUM EMPORIUM

2010-05-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

You can get these two designs on Posters, Tees, Cards, Cups, Hats and other Goodies at
The RANTORIUM EMPORIUM.
Just click the image to see the products each design is featured on!

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Visit The BRAT in the HAT'S RANTORIUM EMPORIUM Main Department other for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

O'Leary O'Reilly Obama - OH REALLY?

2010-03-12T11:06:00.000-08:00

POP IRISH, THAT IS!!!

Yes, it's been a while since I've posted a rant or a snarky little joke - I've been busy and nothing has bugged me enough to actually write about it BUT I am part Irish and just had to share this with you!

If you're getting green for St. Patty's Day be sure to check out all my Irish Martinis at The Martini Diva, some really fun St. Patrick's Day appetizers at The Diva of Tiny Foods and get some facts on St. Patrick's Day at The PopArtDiva Blog!

There's No One As Irish As Barack Obama? A little Irish poke at our Commander in Chief, Enjoy:

Have you shopped at the RANTORIUM EMPORIUM yet?

2009-09-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've added a few new snarky designs to the RANTORIUM EMPORIUM to suit your snippy moods:

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XX

I've got a few more ideas stacked up - the worse things get in the world the snarkier I get - it's what keeps me sane!

TALES OF A JEDI CAT (Darth Feline): 13 Reasons Why I'm A Dog Person

2009-08-12T19:52:00.000-07:00

Yeah, she's adorable. She's a soft fluffy little fur ball of cute. And she's also a perfect PILL! In case you're don't follow me on Twitter or you've missed some of my other blogs - I recently came into possession of a cat or rather she hijacked my life about a month ago.

Yes, I decided to keep her - there's not a local "no kill" shelter here and I couldn't leave her out in this heat - she was way too young and would never have survived more than a day or two at best. Last week I bought her a little kitty corner play house, a scratching post and some toys bigger than a piece of crumbled aluminum foil to play with - so I guess I've committed myself.

But I question my sanity and here's 13 reasons why and part of the reason I am primarily a dog person:

Kittens have a schedule that goes like this: Eat like a pig, turn schizo for 30 to 40 minutes, haul ass to the litter box and Stink Up the House, haul ass back to the front room just for the hell of it and then crash for an hour. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. . . .
This cat terrorizes Pixel - she thinks Pixel is a big cat toy (Pixel is my sweet little Yorkipoo)
Kitty Tink also thinks Pixel might be her mother and in the middle of the night sneaks up on Pixel, grabs a nipple and nips. Middle of the night chaos ensues.
Cats don't mind worth @#*!
Cats are smart, they figure things out too quick and then you have to try to be smarter than they are in order to keep some level of control. It's a losing proposition.
Cats love cupboards, crawl in when you're not looking and then disappear for hours while you try to hunt them down by following the meowing.
Cats love closets for the same reason - whatever their reason is.
Cats don't know how to use a rug you put down in front of the litter box to keep the litter from ending up all over the house.
Cats do not come when you call - although I have figured out they will come once they get the hang of "kitty cookie" time.
Cats will play hide and seek with you when you're not even aware you're playing a game - and they play with sharp little teeth and slashing little claws.
Cats are flea farms - at least this one turned out to be. Eeuww, I hate fleas!
Cats have no respect for your schedule - please reread #1 and understand that this happens 24/7. I have not had a full night's sleep since Tink disrupted my life.
Cats are not dogs.

But, dammit, she is the cutest little @#*! that's ever skinned me alive.

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GRAB A TEE, CUP OR WHATEVER WITH THESE SENTIMENTS BELOW
PICK YOUR SIDE - CAT OR DOG LOVER?
Click either image to see what products
The Brat in the Hat RANTORIUM EMPORIUM
has to offer:

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THREE CHEERS FOR THE RICH BITCHES OUT THERE!

2009-07-30T19:47:00.001-07:00

I have opened my new Brat in the Hat
RANTORIUM EMPORIUM
a cheeky, irreverent, humorous
and slightly naughty shopping experience
for the brat in everyone.

RCH BTCH is my tongue in cheek nod to that little bit of Diva in all of us women - you know, that little part of us that cringes at slimy things, loves bling and would rather bask in the sun than mop a floor!

Get it on tees, cups, travel mugs, caps, aprons, cards and even a tee for your dog! It's perfect for high maintenance divas and you can even personalize them!

And you have no excuse not to go shopping at my new store - you don't have to drive there, you don't have to deal with mall madness and it gets shipped right to your door or wherever you want it to go! It's one click shopping - now how's that for a real RCH BTCH shopping trip??

Get your credit cards out ladies - get yourself a tee, a matching cap and even a matching grocery tote - you'll be stylin' with the best of 'em at Trader Joe's, Gelson's AJs or Rodeo Drive!

Now, get out there and make your shopping bones and buy, buy, buy my really cool Bratty stuff!

WANNA GOOD LAUGH?

2009-06-23T07:57:00.001-07:00

HA HA HA HA HA - I thought you might get a kick out of this hilarious video on Barak Obama from JibJab:

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Man, this video just started my morning off right - with a real good chuckle!

Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

OH, TWUT UP, YOU TWIT - You're twittering me to death!

2009-06-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

I'm a Twitter-er. I love using Twitter - it's a great immediate way to communicate, a good way to promote your products or brands (if you're agile enough to do this in 140 characters or less) and it's even a bit social.

I have several of my blogs fed automatically to my twitter accounts (yes, I have more than one) and I use software that allows me to "tweet later". I tweet, retweet and even art tweet - I've created an entire store that's all Twitter and social media - TweetleBirdie.

But there's a few things that bug me about Twitter and Tweeters and the Twits who people this unique little micro blogging service and they are my Thursday Thirteen Today:

I really am sick of all the so-called gurus who populate Twitter (and other web spots) telling you they can make you a bazillion dollars if you "follow this link" - isn't it funny how these people are making money telling you how to make money? Then you can also make money by telling people how to make money and so on, ad nauseum.
The people who send out sweet little quotes all day long - you know, "life is grand is you're a good person blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda" - I'm all for positive but that crap makes me want to smack people upside the head.
The people who only tweet about "trending topics" so they can get a nano second hit on the main page.
Celebrities who are making a game out of how many followers they can get - ya'll know who I'm talking about if you're on Twitter - Holy Bratola - go back to high school to play those little popularity games you dweebs.
Celebrities who don't follow you back - how rude. And you wonder why I won't be paying ten bucks to see your next movie or I'm turning off your vapid TV show.
Celebrities who ignore your tweets - I guess they're just too important OR MORE LIKELY they have their "posse" handling their twitter accounts.
Anybody who ignores your tweet to them - rude, rude, rude. Unless, of course, your tweet to them was rude to start with then shame on you!
That big ass whale on strings being held up by teeny tiny little blue birdies - which shows up when "Twitter is over capacity" which happens a lot
The whole new language that has popped up in Tweetville - like tweeps for peeps and the shorthand texting that we're forced to use to get a point across in under 140 characters. R U w/ me 2?
The number of Twitter-ers who tweet only Twitter crap - how many of you are there out there anyway? I'm being followed by at least ten!
People who follow you just so that you'll follow them so they have lots of followers - and unfollow you if you don't follow them back IMMEDIATELY! Hey, I never volunteered to pat your back when you patted mine so quit sulking!
Pundits of any kind unless they're being tongue-in-cheek - which means making fun of the word pundit. It is a dumbass word. Pundit, pundit, pundit, pundit - there try saying that four times in a row and not laughing and thinking something dirty!
The naked chick avatars. No, I'm not interested in your porn, go away, peddle your perversity elsewhere - unless you're really a hot, sexy guy and then why do you have a naked chick avatar??? Nope, too twisted for me.

ON THE UPSIDE: I still love Twittering and I follow a number of people who entertain me, make me laugh, give me great links to recipes and good articles and otherwise enlighten or enliven my day. I'm following you and I will continue to follow you because you are worthy of being followed - you know who you are because you'll see me respond to you or RT (that's retweet to you non-twitter-ers) you. Thanks to youse guys - you are bright spots on my little twitter window!

If you Twitter you can follow me as @popartdiva or @themartinidiva - I don't promise to follow you back but I will if you tweet good stuff! And don't forget to stop by:

The TweetleBirdie Twitter Store
for fun Twitter inspired tees, gifts, apparel & other goodies.

Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

Proof that Wild Peeps ARE Dangerous!

2009-04-13T09:20:00.001-07:00

I'm getting a lot of flak for my war with the Wild Peeps. No one would believe me that Peeps are dangerous!! But, thanks to MoonCounty over at YouTube I now have proof! Witness this Peep Terrorism:

Thanks you MoonCounty - will you be a witness at my Court Martial???

Learn about the whole Wild Peep Saga:
WILD PEEP ALERT ONE - The Natives are restless!
WILD PEEP ALERT TWO - Know Your Enemy!
WILD PEEP ALERT THREE - Wild Peep Porn and Escaped Rogue Peep!
DefconPeep Two - Plans to eradicate enemy!
WAR DECLARED - Hand me the bayonet and a creme brulee torch!
Chocolate Covered Wild Peeps - That'll Fix 'Em!
Easter Marshmallow Peep Martini, or how to cream a Peep in a blender!

Get the latest updates and follow me at Twitter.

Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

PEEPS SURRENDER - WILD PEEP WAR IS OVER!

2009-04-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

THE WILD PEEPS SURRENDER!
Official White Flag States: Peeps Give Up

The four day Wild Peep War is over. What started as an innocent capture of wild peeps then escalated into Wild Peeps versus PopArtDiva and Pixel is now history.

Late Saturday night, after the elusive rare turquoise peep was captured by Pixel (who was actually hoovering for dinner scraps that fell on the floor), the Wild Peep guerrilla army surrendered unconditionally to Generalissiho PopArtDiva, known affectionately to her troops (Pixel) as the Brat in the Hat and often referred to as The Martini Diva.

It was an intense and dangerous four days, Generalissiho PopArtDiva was injured early on when bit by the above mentioned rare turquoise peep. Pixel is being treated for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome but is doing well and will be participating in her annual Easter Egg Hunt later today.

So, with Peace Declared, PopArtDiva, Pixel and even the Wild Peeps wish you a
HAPPY EASTER
and a joyous
PASSOVER WEEKEND!
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History of the Four Day Wild Peep War:
WILD PEEP ALERT ONE - The Natives are restless!
WILD PEEP ALERT TWO - Know Your Enemy!
WILD PEEP ALERT THREE - Wild Peep Porn and Escaped Rogue Peep!
DefconPeep Two - Plans to eradicate enemy!
WAR DECLARED - Hand me the bayonet and a creme brulee torch!
Chocolate Covered Wild Peeps - That'll Fix 'Em!
Easter Marshmallow Peep Martini, or how to cream a Peep in a blender!

Get the latest updates and follow me at Twitter.
Read the Facts and History of Easter
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THE EASTER PEEP WAR - Escalation to declaration of war, skirmishes abound

2009-04-10T15:42:00.000-07:00

Current situation: Wild Peep Hunt Successful - 13 down and on ice in freezer, 14 more bagged and ready for dinner - one rare turquoise Peep still on the loose!

Update: The guerilla tactic of Wild Peep massacre was caught on tape - butchery exposed - court martial imminent. Get me JAG!

WILD PEEP ALERT ONE - The Natives are restless!
WILD PEEP ALERT TWO - Know Your Enemy!
WILD PEEP ALERT THREE - Wild Peep Porn and Escaped Rogue Peep!
DefconPeep Two - Plans to eradicate enemy!
WAR DECLARED - Hand me the bayonet and a creme brulee torch!
Chocolate Covered Wild Peeps - That'll Fix 'Em!
Easter Marshmallow Peep Martini, or how to cream a Peep in a blender!

Get the latest updates and follow me at Twitter.
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Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

Easter Peep Update: One's missing and some are breeding!

2009-04-08T17:04:00.000-07:00

From The POP ART DIVA Baby Boomer Blog

WILD PEEP ALERT THREE - Did I Miss the Peep Porn and Where's the Peep?

I was out scouting for provisions, the Peeps were safely locked in their pen and Pixel was on guard. When I got home and unloaded the chow I checked on the Peeps. First, I'm sure there's more now than when I left! Is it possible? Are they reproducing? If so, they must mature in an hour or two because I can't see any size differences!

I also noticed my rare turquoise Peep was missing! They're the most tender, the jucyiest and the hardest to get! I have looked high and low and there's no sign of the turquoise Peep! I even checked to see if Pixel had any tell tale blue or sugar on her muzzle but she's clean and has been dispatched back to guard duty.

This is troublesome. I have a rouge Peep loose. Rouge turquoise peeps are the most dangerous!

WILD PEEP ALERT ONE - The Natives are restless!

WILD PEEP ALERT TWO - Know Your Enemy!

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THE WILD PEEPS ARE RESTLESS, DANGER IS IN THE AIR!

2009-04-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

There is something seriously wrong with the Peeps I captured on my shopping safari at Walmart! I locked them up in their pens, preparing to fatten them up for Easter but they are restless and I hear soft, angry peeping! The rustling at night - you know, that scratchy sound of sugar coating as it hits the ground? - am I imagining that?

I found these three pink buggers huddled in the corner this morning - I think they're the ringleaders! There is a sly squint to their little beady eyes and their beaks are subtly smirking. I can feel them watching me.

My Yorkipoo, Pixel, has begun to circle their pens and utter low growls. Her tail is tucked tightly down. This is not a good sign as Pixel loves everybody and everything, especially sugar based edibles! Not good, not good at all.

I'm frightened! Only 5 days to Easter but can I survive that long? The Peeps are restless, danger is in the air. Should I be proactive, forgo fresh Peep and freeze them now before they organize? But fresh Peep is far superior to frozen! I shall wait and watch!

I'll be posting reports as things develop! Check back here every few hours or so for updates - and keep an eye on my Twitter updates!

Image courtesy of Jon Sullivan.

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BAIL-OUT BUNGLE: THIRTEEN WAYS TO GET YOUR POACHED PENNIES BACK FROM THE BAIL OUT MONIES

2009-03-19T07:01:00.000-07:00

PopArtDiva's Dark Side has a sense of

With all the brouhaha going on about AIG's Bonus Bungling of the Bail Out Bucks (hey, it ticked me off too!) I have decided to try to come up with Thirteen Ways to get our bail out money back from the banks. Remember, this is your money - your "tax dollars at work". Ready? Here we go:

Close all your secondary bank accounts - who wants to balance more than one monthly statement anyway?
Switch your account to a bank that doesn't charge a monthly fee.
If you're over retirement age try to get a free account that has no fees at all.
In fact, try that even if you're not old - see if you can talk your bank into dropping all your fees.
Open up a gazillion accounts at each of the bailed out banks and get your free toaster-stuffed toy-weekly promotional goodie they give to new accounts. Close the account immediately after you get the freebie.
Go in to your bank in your free time and drink their coffee, use their bathroom - the more coffee you drink the more water and T.P. you'll use in their bathroom.
Take wire cutters with you each time you go to the bank and steal their pens.
If they've modernized and the pens aren't on those little ball chains anymore? Take a handful of bland deposit/withdrawal slips home to use as note paper.
Sit in the bank on hot days and use their air conditioning.
Sit in the bank on cold days and use their heat.
Put your money in your mattress - the interest rate at the banks is so low anyway that driving there to get some money out costs more in gas than the interest is worth!
Pay your actual income taxes - that way you'll have less money to put in the bank. That'll teach 'em.
Go to work at a bank as a high mucky-muck suit and get your share of the bail-out money bonuses.

I think AIG should be forced to take that bonus money and create 165 jobs that pay 100,000 a year and fill those positions within 1 month, or 330 jobs at $50K a year, and those jobs should be guaranteed positions for a minimum of ten years. And they have to hire outside the company or any subsidiaries.

And maybe those executive's salaries should be cut as well as those bonuses being taken away.

Do you have any good ideas to add?

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MORE OF OUR MONEY DOWN THE BLOATED EXEC DRAIN

2009-03-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm officially PISSED OFF now. According to the sources below AIG is giving out $165 MILLION in BONUSES (out of the $170 Billion bailout money it received) to it's executives.

How do you like them rotten apples? I still want to know where my bail out money is - I've been waiting since early October!

The Daily Grill - Unbleeping Believable

The BS Observer

The New York Times, March 14, 2009: AIG Planning Huge Bonuses After $170 Billion Bailout

Get your own money - even if it's only on t-shirts, or just a few coins to jingle in your pocket.

HELL NO, WE WON'T GO - At Least Not Without Kicking and Screaming!

2009-02-17T09:34:00.000-08:00

I was taking part in a Twitter conference sponsored by GrowingBolder.Com last Thursday night and one of the main topics discussed was Ageism and how Corporate America sees those of us over fifty.

The consensus seemed to be that Madison Avenue still thinks we're a bunch of old fuddy duddies with one foot in the grave and the other foot on a banana peel. I see a lot of ads for (gag me!) arthritis meds, burial insurance, retirement communities and the like. Guess what? Those ads just piss me off and I have yet to buy any of those products or services.

I might need arthritis meds but that ad won't send me flying to the doctor for them! I'd rather exercise, eat properly or just ignore the pain altogether. Why? Because I refuse to admit I'm old. I might be a bit wrinkly and a bit creaky but I'm NOT OLD! I'm a classic with great tail fins and headlights, not a clunker that needs to be restored or junked. (Ok, I might need a little oil and a buffing.)

And that's the whole point that most of the twenty-thirty something Madmen and women haven't quite recognized yet. The Baby Boom Generation coined the phrase "Hell No, We Won't Go" and we're not going into our "golden years" (ick!) without a struggle - and some serious clout! We are not going gently into that good night, we will not take it laying down (or napping!), we are not growing older - just bolder. . . . AND we are the largest demographic out there!

There are some 70 million plus people over 50 and that number is growing each year. We represent a lot of spending dollars and anyone who can tap into what we want and need, not what they think we want and need, will reap the financial benefit of respecting us.

So, what do we want? We want to live full, active lives. We want to have fun, travel, laugh, think, create and contribute. We want a little nostalgia - hey, man, we had good times back in the day but we're not ready to say goodbye to good times today either! And we want all of this with some style and flair and bling. No granny panties or support hose for us, baby - we want us some thongs and high heeled sneakers!

Once upon a time we marched and shouted for the things we believed in. I think it might be time to dust off those protest signs and get ready to fight the ageism that would have us sitting out the remainder of our lives in rocking chairs and treated as if our time is over.

It's not by a long shot! We're still kicking butt and taking names and this time we're burning our social security papers!

JOIN THE CRUSADE
Get "DOWN WITH AGEISM" on Tees, Caps, Cups and More Here.

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CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT? Political Quotes Presently Pertinent

2009-02-14T07:24:00.000-08:00

POLITICAL ART PARODY
is Copyright 2007 by PopArtDiva.com

A SHORT MINI RANT MOMENT - Great quotes about politics and politicians that still hold true:

"In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people." This quote is often attributed to Groucho Marx, but it's true author is Edward Morgan Forster (1879-1970) in A Room with a View.

"Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then—we elected them." Lily Tomlin

"Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them." Paul Valery, French poet/writer

"Washington, D.C. is where the speed of sound is faster than the speed of light." V.R. Thompson

"Too often our Washington reflex is to discover a problem and then throw money at it, hoping it will somehow go away." Kenneth B. Keating

ON THE UPSIDE: Happy Valentine's Day - Run over to The Martini Diva for all my Valentine Martinis and check out The Diva of Tiny Foods for my favorite Valentine Recipes.

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CHRISTIAN BALE RANTS, JAMES LIPTON PARODIES, CONAN GETS A BIT

2009-02-07T07:22:00.000-08:00

HOLY FLYING F's, BATMAN!

Okay, everybody's talking about it - Christian Bale's profanity laced rant at DP Shane Hurlbut (no, I am not making another bad pun - that's Shane's real last name, okay?) on the set of Terminator: Salvation.

I have to admit I was kinda transfixed when I listened to it the first time on television the other day. I mean, seriously, I didn't know anyone could manage to get than many "f" words into any kind of speech - there were so many I kept losing the point of Bale's rant because I was laughing so hard.

Yup, it was a whale of an outburst, worthy of the World's Biggest Dumbass Award and Bale has apologized for it and admitted that it was "unexcusable" and he was a "potty mouth".

But guess what, folks - this is really OLD NEWS!

Yup, this tirade by Bale didn't just happen the other day. This outburst occurred LAST YEAR on the set in New Mexico! Why, all of a sudden, is it "big news" and why, I wonder, did it take so long for the audio to surface????

Here's my little rant about Bale's rant and the ensuing hullabaloo - folks, everyone has a bad day! I would hate to think that someone was hovering around just waiting to video or tape me in one of my all-too-human fits of anger! I'd have to give myself the World's Biggest Dumbass Award weekly! I'd be apologizing so much I'd wear out my tongue!

Yes, celebrities do put themselves out there as targets. I agree that it is the price of fame. No, there is no excuse for angry tirades, liberally laced with curse words or not. And Bale's rant was a doozy!

BUT. . . . let's cut him some slack and consider the circumstances. During his apology interview on KROQ's Kevin and Bean Show, Bale had this to say about what brought his tirade on, he "puts so much into what I do and care so much about it and sometimes the enthusiasm just goes awry." Passion for your work is not a bad thing, acting is an emotional profession, and pivotal scenes are highly charged and stress inducing for all involved.

As for me, though I sympathize with his plight, I have to admit I'm getting a lot of enjoyment from all the parodies and spoofs out there. So I have to thank Mr. Bale for more entertainment than I got from his mumbling Batman performance! I'm sorry, Christian, but I couldn't hear half of what you said in that movie so I spent my time concentrating on Heath Ledger's phenomenal performance as The Joker.

For those of you who haven't heard the original audio in question, here it is, but BE WARNED this is not edited and it is definitely R rated!

The Audio of Christian Bale's Rant - Warning, No bleeping of the curse words here!

And here is an absolutely hilarious parody by James Lipton on Conan O'Brian - as Bale AND Hurlbut - a dual acting role, no less!:

And if that wasn't enough to tickle your funny bone, here's a FEW MORE FUNNY PARODIES OF THE BALE RANT

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IS YOUR DESIGNER COFFEE A DUD, DUDE?

2009-02-05T07:20:00.000-08:00

Get STAR BOOBS on Stuff!

I could have told you so! Recently I even ranted about all those expensive cups o' java - heck, I was even inspired by them to do the coffee parody above - STARBOOBS! (which you can get on tees and other fun stuff here).

In this article today at Yahoo Consumer Reports states, "Folgers, Maxwell House, and Starbucks are America's best-selling ground coffees. But all three were iced by Eight O'Clock Colombian coffee in our taste tests."

Ha Ha - told ya so! I've said many times that I won't pay the price for those high falutin' designer brand coffees, though I do like Peet's if push comes to shove. I am a big fan of Eight O'Clock coffee - it does taste as good or better and it's cheaper, often on sale! HA!

Okay, I do buy Folger's - it's a hangover from my Mom. That classic red coffee can was almost as familiar to me as my siblings, always sitting on the kitchen counter - it was even part of our vacation trips (read how in "Route 66 - Here's Yer Sign") . . .BUT. . . .I buy - woohoo for me - the gourmet Chocolate Truffle Folgers which the article states was a close runner up to Eight O'Clock!

No, I'm NOT trying to sell you any coffee product crap! Don't you know me well enough to know I only try to sell you my own crap? (It's good crap though and you should buy a lot of it!!!) I just thought it was funny that someone of authority - Consumer Reports no less - has finally backed up my bitch about over priced and under taste designer coffees!

ON THE UPSIDE: You really can make your own fancy dancy, half-calf, low-fat, double-shot, whoop-T-do coffees. Just get a good expresso maker or a coffee press, buy some of those flavored syrups, buy a Coffee Making for Dummies book and it will save you hundreds of dollars a year!
In fact, here's a video right here for you - and look at the coffee he's using!!!

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SPEECHIFYIN' at the INAUGURATION

2009-01-20T08:52:00.000-08:00

It's always exciting to watch an inauguration. Getting a new Commander In Chief is always a time for hope and rebirth for our nation and I am proud to be an American every time I see our rights to vote culminate in this ceremony.

No matter who you voted for, no matter what your political affiliation, no matter what you believe - we, the American people, are the ones who brought this event to fruition. It is a great thing to see and be a part of.

But I do get a little tired of all the speeches. All those politicos talking about "history in the making". I'd like to see a little less speech-ifyin' about history and a little more history making. I'm really glad they all get their face time on camera but I'd like to see them doing a little less talking and a little more work.

We have a new President. Enjoy your parties tonight - then get your butts to work tomorrow early and get this country back on it's feet.

ON THE UPSIDE: I can turn the mute the speech-ifiers and just do some people watching of the crowds which is what I'm doing while I post this blog. Ain't life grand? Congratulations, Mr. President - I'm looking for great things from you.

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HIDE THE BOOZE AND HIDE THE BOOZE-OLOGIST!!!???

2009-01-09T10:14:00.000-08:00

OH-MY-GOD!

This really puts the lid on the stupid pot! According to Neil Boortz latest post a Utah Senator, Michael Waddroups of Taylorsville, wants to pass a law that would require all restaurants with a bar to hide that bar and the bartender from the view of children!!!

I was reading Pat Montgomery's post at Parents Rule! and followed the link she provided to the article (after commenting about this total inanity first, of course!). There, in black and white, was Mr. Boortz's article about this newest senatorial silliness.

I have said it before and I'll say it again - YOU GET THE GOVERNMENT YOU DESERVE! Though I think this Senator might be acting like a total Yahoo for actually proposing this bit of loony toon lawmaking, I put the actual blame on the growing number of parents out there who are either too lazy or too timid to take responsibility for raising their own children!

Politicians aren't stupid - they may be crafty and self-motivated but they're not stupid when it comes to their own agendas! They can see which way the wind blows "out thar in them public brains" and they are willing to do a little blowing in the wind to get votes. (Wind, blowing - all we need to do is add hot and/or hard to this list of adjectives and we have the apt description of politicians!) If today's parents want to hand over the raising of their children to governmental law then the government will be too happy to oblige!

Does anyone else notice the growing trend of attempts to legislate morality in our laws lately? Does anyone else see that this is an indicator of the decline of a civilization? Historically, when a civilization looses it's moral compass, when the citizenry has abdicated responsibility for it's own actions, the powers that be step in with an attempt to reestablish "true north" by passing laws. This has never worked to stem the slide down the slippery slope of degeneration and decay and it won't work here either.

Here's an option: Parents, and Senator Waddroups, why don't you just take your kids to restaurants that don't serve alcohol??? Duh! There are enough eateries out there that are booze free - especially in Utah - they probably even have crayons and placemats your rug-runners can doodle on and silly mascots to give the kiddies a giggle! Problem solved.

Now stay the hell out of my adult oriented restaurants and keep away from my bar and my friendly bartender or I'll throw a Shirley Temple all over you!

ON THE UPSIDE: I have a lovely recipe for a Long Island Martini posted today on my blog, The Martini Diva, is you need to calm down after reading about this folderol! Please remember to drink responsibly, don't drive after drinking either - you might run over a senator from Utah!

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HAPPY NEW YEAR - Let Go Of The Old Crap Now!

2009-01-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009! It's a New Year and I want to look forward not back! So, to the news media, "Please shut up about all the old crap - there will be enough new crap for you to bore us with this year! Thank you."

ON THE UPSIDE: How stinkin' cute is this New Year's video?????

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BAD GIFTS - When his gift TO you is really a gift FOR him!

2008-12-27T09:14:00.000-08:00

Okay, ladies, we've all had it happen - some dumb guy (husband, boyfriend, lover, whatever) gives us a gift that isn't really a present for us but something they want us to have! You know what I'm talkin' about!

Sexy Lingerie - They just want to see you in it. Sadly, they have no idea that black garter belts and S&M inspired bras dig into your skin like dull knives and you'd much rather be wearing flannel jammies with feet! Send them a male thong if they do this to you - and make it pink!
Household Appliances - Are you kidding me? Do guys really think we are just pining away for a stinkin' vacuum, dustbuster or waffle iron instead of a gift certificate for a day spa?
Exercise Equipment - I can't even go here. This gift idea is beyond moronic and any man who gives it to his lady should be drawn and quartered by forty sweaty body building men with bad breath. Oh, and forced to drink spinach juice for forty days and forty nights. While wearing the above mentioned pink thong!

DO YOU WANT TO SEND THEM TO THE DOGHOUSE? Then watch this:

(This is one of the funniest commercials I have ever seen. It was created by the Saatchi & Saatchi Agency of New York for J.C. Penny)

Do you have a "bad gift" story? Tell us all about it in the comments - go ahead and rant, it's good for you!

ON THE UPSIDE: Hey, it's nice to have someone care enough to buy anything for you as a gift so let's give the guys a little slack this year and just toss them a dog bone instead of tossing them into the doghouse! Enjoy the laughs and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

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My Christmas Present to You: Mary Martin in Peter Pan!

2008-12-24T09:17:00.000-08:00

As A Special Holiday Treat for all you Baby Boomers
and Children Who Will Never Grow Up

I am presenting:
THE ENTIRE BROADCAST OF
PETER PAN
Starring MARY MARTIN
at The PopArtDiva Retro Baby Boomer Blog

YESTERDAY: PARTS ONE THROUGH SEVEN
TODAY: PARTS EIGHT TO END
SPECIAL SONGS from Peter Pan

ENJOY THE NOSTALGIA AND
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE
from The BRAT in the HAT!

NEWS FLASH - CHRISTMAS MYTH EXPOSED

2008-12-22T07:38:00.000-08:00

I recently received this story from a "reliable source":

Santa's Reindeer Get P.M.S?

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!

ON THE UPSIDE: Just had to give you a laugh for Christmas week!

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE BRAT IN THE HAT - I GAVE THE GRINCH THE WEEK OFF!
Enjoy a little Christmas Cheer from The Brat in the Hat:

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Expensive Designer Coffee Houses Annoy Me

2008-12-11T17:55:00.000-08:00

Because I get so annoyed by those ubiquitous coffee peddlers selling java for upwards of eight bucks a pop I designed this for my online shop, The PopArtDiva Boutique. You can get this on tee shirts, aprons, clocks, mugs, coasters and a bunch of other apparel, gifts and goodies by clicking the image.

Yeah, I'm a smartass with a nasty attitude. don't you just love me? Now buy a tee-shirt and let the world know you've got some serious boobage or you've got a hankering for some serious boobage:

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THURSDAY THIRTEEN - 13 Reasons Why It Sucks To Get Old

2008-12-04T06:53:00.000-08:00

I am really happy to be back home in California but I have to admit that I am tired, sore and aching all over from the mental, emotional and physical stress of moving. I am in my third day of recovery and still not 100% back to my usual cantankerous, Type A self. Having never had to decompress after a move before I was a bit irritated by this because I realized that most of this distress is because I am not a Spring Chicken anymore. How damn rude of my body to offend me in this manner! Getting old just sucks.

So, in response, here's my Thirteen Reasons Why It Sucks To Get Old (there are more but I don't want you to think I'm becoming one of those really mean old farts who hate everything - I'm just a Grumpy Old Woman with occasional issues!):

You can no longer sit down or get up from a chair without making some noise. Either your body snaps, crackles and pops or you start to do that awful, involuntary verbal exclamation. I don't know why but these vocal outbursts do seem to aid in the physical struggle of parking or unparking your butt.
Your teeth are getting fragile and you are slowing heading back to a diet of baby food.
Your eyes are giving you trouble and all of a sudden you're either holding things far away or jamming them right up to your nose to read them. Or worse yet, you've bought a pair of those nasty magnifying half-glasses that sit on the end of your nose!
Senior Moments - aka your mind is turning to mush, you can't remember what the hell you got up for just 2 seconds ago and words you have known all your life suddenly seem to have evaporated from your vocabulary. This must be where the expression "I've forgotten more than you'll ever know" came from.
People are opening doors for you. Not because they're courteous but because you look so damn ancient they figure you'll never get the door open and they haven't got the patience to wait while you struggle to shuffle in somewhere.
You have to pee a lot more often and you'd better be damn close to a bathroom when the urge arrives! Now you're not only almost back to baby food, you're almost back in diapers!
You start using phrases like "whippersnappers", "new fangled", "kids today!", "turn that noise down - that's not music"
You look at the new fashions and think they suck so you start to look like a frumpy old fart who's decades behind the times.
Of course, your body has also widened, elongated, drooped and sagged to a point that if you even did like the new fashions you'd look like a damn fool in them anyway.
You have to wake up 2 hours early in order for your body to "warm up" and for your various stiff body parts to get lubed up and movable. This two hour window also allows for your morning coffee to lubricate your insides too.
You have started to read to Obituaries to see if anyone you know has died - and you're wearing those butt ugly half glasses to do so!
When your relatives come to visit (if you still have any living relatives) they are now spending the first half hour going through your house and scoping out what they want to get when you finally kick the bucket. If these relatives are particularly rude, they are even putting little stickers with their names on your things - "Dibs, it's mine when Auntie Terri is worm food!"
No one wants to make out with you anymore but your dog.

ON THE UPSIDE: You are wiser (hopefully) and a lot of these things don't really mean anything to you anymore because after enough years on this planet you have finally realized what really counts in life - waking up to another day! Think about it - what's the alternative to getting old?
--------------------------------
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Happy Thanksgiving - Now, would you help me lift this box?

2008-11-27T06:26:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed I haven't posted for a month. That's because I have been busy packing and getting ready to move! I am finally moving back home to California! Whoohoo!

I have spent my life moving (read California Here I Come for the story), and I am quite ready to settle down and find a permanent home, so I am looking forward to going back to the state I love best, even with all it's issues and silliness.

Since this is a rant blog I do have to do a short rant on how much of a pain in the butt moving is, even when you're moving somewhere you want to go. The actual physical act of moving is pure, unadulterated back breaking work. But it has it's good points too and I posted a few of both recently on my retro baby boomer pop culture blog.

Yes, I have been totally stressed, buried in boxes and irritated by the mind numbing process of changing addresses and getting rid of the accumulation of junk - yet again. Why is it that you get rid of junk only to replace it with more junk over the next few years? I think humans have a bit of pack rat DNA.

ON THE UPSIDE: I'm going home. I'm going back where my oldest and closest friends live, where the sun shines gently instead of with the heat of Hades, where it's okay to be a little weird and where my heart is. California Here I Come.

Happy Thanksgiving, enjoy your turkey and fixings, and wish me Bon Voyage and safe journey!

HATE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING?
A few simple clicks and your Christmas Presents are on their way!
The PopArtDiva Boutique Holiday Department
has great gifts, apparel and home decor for the holiday season.

JOIN ME FRIDAY, OCTOBER 31st FOR MY RETRO HALLOWEEN PAJAMA PARTY RADIO SHOW LIVE!

2008-10-27T08:09:00.000-07:00

ONLY 4 MORE DAYS TO HALLOWEEN and my RETRO HALLOWEEN PAJAMA PARTY RADIO SHOW - Call in (347-326-9293) to join the fun on Friday, October 31st at 4 pm (pacific), 6 pm (central) or 7 pm (eastern)!

We're going to have some spooky retro fun going down Haunted House Memory Lane and talking about the Halloweens of our past - and what our favorite costumes were, how big a candy haul we used to get, the tricks and the treats of Halloweens past!

Come in costume and bring your scariest stories!

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Thirteen Reasons Not To Stand On A Chair To Reach Things

2008-10-22T19:03:00.000-07:00

I participate in a meme called the Thursday 13, which I normally post to the PopArtDiva Retro Pop Culture Blog, but today I'm posting it here because it's a rant at my own stupidity!

THIRTEEN REASONS NOT TO STAND ON A CHAIR TO REACH THINGS - Especially when you're by yourself, it's 6 a.m., you have bad knees and haven't had your coffee:

1. A chair is not a ladder
2. There's no one there to keep you from falling.
3. It's stupid.
4. Chairs have nothing to grab onto when you lose your balance.
5. You're barefooted and your feet are cold.
6. It's really stupid.
7. If you fall and knock yourself silly, your neighbors are either asleep or hate you for waking them up with the screaming.
8. It's really, really stupid.
9. A chair has only one height which forces you to stand on your tippy toes, which is totally DUMB ASS stupid!
10. If you're 57 your bones are brittle.
11. It's really, really, really STUPID.
12. The Doc in the Box is 20 miles away and expensive and x-rays just add to the bill.
13. You'll hate yourself later for being so damn stupid, costing yourself a lot of money in medical bills and having to keep your leg elevated and iced for days. And did I say how STUPID IT IS???

ON THE UPSIDE: I landed on my leg, not my head - though my hard head might have fared better. I was very lucky and did not break any bones. I am not going to die from a blood clot, though I may expire from terminal stupidity. The chair is fine.
--------------------------------
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Thanks In Advance For All The Free Money!

2008-10-12T15:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Congress:

Since it seems to be allowance time for financial institutions that have completely mismanaged their money and, since I am also a financial entity that has "issues", I was curious when my bail out money is coming?

If it helps speed up the issuing of my billions, I promise to invite you to my $440,000 Posh California Spa Celebration when I get it. I'll bet AIG didn't invite you to theirs! How rude!

Thank you in advance for all the free money.

Best Regards,

The Brat In The Hat

ON THE UPSIDE: I have some serious plans for my billions! I plan to pay my rent, buy some groceries and put gas in my car and not cringe!

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WHEN WORK IS WORK IT'S NOT REALLY FUN!

2008-10-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

I am working like a madman on sketches for a couple of books that I'm writing - one is a Baby Boomer graphic novel and the other is a martini recipe book. Fun work that I really enjoy. Since they're my books I am also writing them which requires some serious time. I wanted to get at least one of the books done by the end of the year, but. . . . .

I am also in the midst of doing a series of ads for a fairly large campaign. These are not the fun kind of ads - they're ads where you get really bad input from the client - they tell you to get their "art" and logos off their website and try to cram the entire text of the Bible onto the head of a pin.

The problem is that "art taken off a website (if the website was done by a professional) is always low resolution (usually 72 dpi to 100 dpi) and small in size. Print images, on the other hand, should be a minimum of 300 dpi at the actual size or larger for a crisp image. Think what happens when you enlarge anything - it usually gets pixelated and grainy. This presents a challenge to any graphic design artist because we have to turn crap into a masterpiece - but GIGO (garbage in garbage out) applies especially in graphics!

A graphic designer can only do so much, folks! We are not gods, although some of us have egos the size of a god! (Quit looking at me, I was talking about other artists!)

There, I got that out and I feel better now.

ON THE UPSIDE: I've figured out a couple of pretty cool tricks to turn the crappy art into usable art so I'm learning new techniques. I am charging by the hour so I am getting paid to decipher, decode and de-ugly the art. I like a challenge so I am enjoying turning what could be graphic nightmares into creative and visually pleasing ad layouts. AND I'm still getting some sketches and writing done for my books on the weekend!

BTW, are you into HALLOWEEN? I'm posting HALLOWEEN MARTINIS and HALLOWEEN TREATS all month on my martini and food blogs, and I've made some cool HALLOWEEN ART for your home and on apparel for this spooky season!

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EAT THIS! ?? BITE ME!!

2008-09-19T14:01:00.000-07:00

So I open Yahoo to check my mail and what do I see? An image of pancakes topped with bananas and other Yummies and this caption: America's Worst Breakfast Foods which links to this article entitled "Eat This, Not That".

The article then goes into great detail on what fast food chain breakfasts are bad for you and which ones are good for you. Did this make me think about eating healthy? No, it just make me think about eating! Pancakes, Eggs, Sausage, Bananas, Syrup - Big Plates of breakfast food!!!

I am now going to sit down and eat the breakfast I made after reading this article - it's up there in the photo!

Leave me alone! I don't know you but I know you're not my mother or my personal trainer. I don't need you to tell me what's good or bad, right or wrong. Shut up and go away. Leave me to eat my "worst" breakfast in peace.

You annoying, holier than thou food cop.

ON THE UPSIDE: My breakfast tasted really, really good. Things that aren't "good" for you usually do! My tummy is happy. And tonight I'm having a few martinis and some country style pork ribs marinated in apple juice and grilled on the barbie! Yum, more bad stuff!

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Bullied by The Great "Goo-Gaul" Gods and Their Back-up Band of Merry GooRoo Acolytes

2008-08-28T16:06:00.000-07:00

THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT!

We bloggers have all been bullied by The Great "Goo-Gaul" Gods into posting, posting, posting, ad nauseam. You see, according to the "Gooroos" (acolytes of the Great "Goo-Gaul" Gods) "Content is King" and posting once a day is not enough now. Posting twice to thrice a day is obligatory if you want that all hallowed "page rank".

I had happily been posting my little retro pop culture stories, a rant or two here, a martini recipe and a "tiny food" recipe every few days, skipping down Blogger Boulevard, happy as a kid in a candy store. Then one of those acolytes burst my bubble with a spam "buy my how to get rich yesterday" email telling me I was never going to be on the first page of a search engine if I didn't post my fingers to the nubs.

I panicked, I fretted, I posted half my story in the morning, half my story in the afternoon. I pirated videos from YouTube (oh, okay I still do that) and wracked my festering brain for MORE CONTENT! I woke up at 3 a.m. wondering, "OMG, what will I post tomorrow?"

Then I got pissed off because The Great "Goo-Gaul" Gods and their toady purveyors of constant content had taken the joy out of my blogging. Yup, just like any other religion, They took all the fun out of it!

The Seven Commandments of Blogging for Ranking?

There shall be no other Search Engines Before Us.
Ye shall not take the name of thy Search Engine in vain.
Ye shall not spill Pepsi on the Hosts of the Keyboard.
Ye shall not commit Yahoo.
Ye shall not covet the top 100 blogs.
Ye shall honor the Search Algorithm for it is Holy.
Ye shall never have fun.

BEHOLD! The burning browser speaketh the Keywords of Truth! For those of my children who defy the Diety of Dhtml: Thou art going to page rank hell on the Blogging Express - please fasten your seat belt and put your computer chair in upright position.

Written in response to: David Amulet, R.I.P.?

ON THE UPSIDE: I said it before and I'll say it again - if I ain't got nothin' to say I ain't saying nothin' - I shall write no post before it's time - or when I have a new piece of art to sell.

P.S. Here's some of my new Martini Art!

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BIGFOOT FOUND? Hey, I dated him!

2008-08-15T15:58:00.000-07:00

Oh, holy hairy ape, here we go again. Some hunters claim to have found Big Foot.

What? I didn't know he was missing. I dated him back in the seventies - or at least a close facsimile. You know the type, beat their chest, like to run around naked because they think they've got hot bods, and grunt a lot if they don't get what they want.

I thought this species was extinct, but according to those hunters - and a few younger women I know - this animal is alive and well and living in our concrete jungles. I guess a few escaped into the wild.

I have just the martini for him.

ON THE UPSIDE: I think we should nominate him for President.

This image is in the public domain.
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A MARTINI JUST FOR JACKASSES

2008-08-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

We all know someone who should be cast in the movie Jackass, The Movie. You know someone dumber than dirt that does stupid things because they think it will be funny, which it usually isn't.

I made it through maybe the first 15 minutes of that sophomoric film before I was inspired to create a martini just for those individuals who haven't progressed beyond the age of 15 where the hormones rule the brain.

This recipe is a joke. Please drink responsibly - even if you are a jackass.

And stop by The Martini Department at The PopArtDiva Boutique for this and other fun martini recipe art on fun merchandise!!

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CELEBRITY UNINAMES - Is Brangalina in the dictionary yet?

2008-08-01T14:28:00.000-07:00

I really need an Apple Martini now. I just saw another article on "Brangelina". No, I need five Apple Martinis.

Bennifer, Brangelina, TomKat, Romber, Vaughiston, Madrich. What are they? Silly combinations of the names of over exposed celebrity couples made up by even sillier media hacks.

The first I remember hearing was Bennifer. Well, wasn't that cute? For about a minute. Now it's all about Brangelina. If I can work another tired and overused phrase in here - gag me with a spoon!

Bennifer - Jennifer Lopez + Ben Affleck

Brangalina - Angelina Jolie + Tom Cruise

TomKat - Who The Hell Knows + Who The Devil Cares

Vaughniston - Vaughn What's His Name and Jennifer Aniston

MadRich - Joel Madden and Nicole Richie (somehow these one makes sense to me!)

Okay, I'm done now. I just had to spit that out.

ON THE UPSIDE: At least no one's come up with uninames for presidential candidates - yet. And yes, a few Apple Martinis a day does chase these blues away!

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NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA - BATMAN!

2008-07-31T12:26:00.000-07:00

Who was the caped crusader? Not my insurance agent, thank God!

I went to see Dark Knight yesterday. I rarely get to go to the movies because I don't have the time so this was a special treat.

My friend and I got our tickets, grabbed our snacks (she got Red Vines and I got Junior Mints) and sat down to enjoy two plus hours of Heath Ledger's final performance. I have to say his performance made that movie. His Joker was a twisted, demented clown decked out in melting face paint, a mop of greasy hair - a twitching soul of unfocused madness driven by a mind of focused destruction. Not someone you'd want to have as a neighbor! Truly a stunning and dark homage to the original Batman graphic novels.

I'm glad I saw it on a big screen and not a DVD. But I sure wish I hadn't parked where I did.

I parked right in front of the theater - mid-week in a small town allows for this advantage. Not far to walk plus my car, Petunia, would be in the shade when we came out. Not such a good idea as it turned out because there was a pole at the rear left side of my parking space. A pole I didn't think about or see when I went to back out.

I am a decent driver. I always use both my mirrors and look over my shoulder when I back up. I did that, didn't see any vehicles and there was no vehicle parked to my left. I also did not see that pole in my mirrors or when I looked over my shoulder. It's placement coincided with a blind spot in my car - one I had not previously noticed (just got Petunia in December).

The crunch took out my side mirror and a solid chunk out of Petunia's left flank. I got out, said a couple of choice words at my own stupidity, straightened the mirror back in place, picked up the few shards that had popped out and purveyed the dent in Petunia's side. Ugly, but no mechanical issues.

When I went in to tell the theater and they said it happens all the time - at least twice a week or more! I'll bet it does. The placement of that light pole is the stupidest thing I've ever seen and I hold the shopping center responsible. Yes, I suppose I could have opened the window and cranked my head around 180 degrees in order to see that pole but frankly I didn't even remember it was there!

I will not be submitting to the insurance company because a) the body work would be close to $3000 easily and Petunia does not blue book at that level b) I don't want to junk Petunia because I can't get another show van for what I'd get and c) I like Petunia and want to keep her! Despite her being a mini-van she is a sassy little car where everything still works! Even the mirror that got scrunched is still functional though I can't auto adjust it now, sigh.

So, though Petunia needs cosmetic surgery, it is optional but not necessary and therefore she will spend the rest of her life with a small scar. I told her that we all have them and she is still beautiful to me.

To rub a little salt in the wound, the next morning I went to take the remainder of the Junior Mints out of my purse and they were infested with ants! I brought ants home from the movies in my purse!

Can anyone hear the maniacal laughter of The Joker?

ON THE UPSIDE: I hit a pole, not another car or a person. Petunia is still completely functional in all ways. I got rid of the ants.

I also finished my new martini art - Happy Hour Ho - and you can get it as fine art on canvas, or on fun products at my online store

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MYLEY CIRUS and her FASHION DON'TS - FRANKLY, WHO GIVES A HANNAH MONTANAH?

2008-07-25T05:25:00.000-07:00

HOLY GOSSIP RAG, BATCHUMPS!
Gotham's in Trouble!
Send Up the Bats In The Head Signal!
Generic Teenage Twit takes Front Page with a Fashion Faux Pax!

I have come to the conclusion after over half a century of reading and watching the news that America is now filled with dumbasses.

Why else would gossip treacle like Myley Cyrus' Pink Beret Fashion Don't be a prominent news item on Yahoo? Why are there "Enquiring" minds who want to know that now spell inquiring with an "E"?

Why? Because America is filled with droves of dumbasses - flocks of them who read this fallow silliness that now passes for news. Can we blame the media when they're just feeding the great unwashed masses what those dirt minded masses want? Well, yes, the media should know better, but dish sells and the media has sold out.

America you get the news you deserve, you get what you asked for and didn't yo' momma tell ya "be careful what you ask for"?

Extra! Extra!
Read All About It!
Fill Your Head with More Feckless Fodder for Fallow Minds!
Turn Your Mind to Mush - No Great Loss!

ON THE UPSIDE: You can still watch Walter Cronkite on YouTube. Here is a video moment that forever changed the face of news in America:

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CORPORATE AMERICA DISSES IT'S TRIED AND TRUE CUSTOMERS FOR BIG BUCKS

2008-07-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

I have been with my bank for nearly 30 years. I've had my dish company for almost five. I've had the same insurance agent for twelve years. I've been with my cell phone provider for almost ten years!

You'd think that would garner me some respect, wouldn't you? Well, think again.

Do you ever get an offer for a free toaster from your bank for being a loyal customer? No, they give the damn toasters to new clients!

Does your insurance agent ever call you up to say thanks, send you a birthday card or send you a free t-shirt? No, they just collect your premiums and ignore you - unless you forget a premium - then they ignore you, cancel your insurance and don't tell you about it!

Does your cell phone company say "Gee Valued Customer, you've been with us for TEN YEARS! We're going to give your a bunch of free minutes, a new phone and a coffee cup for your devotion!" No, they charge you full price for your phone, make you sign a two year contract for their "discounted price" (discounted, yeah right) and there's no coffee cup for you, jackass, you're already in their spider's web! You just signed another two year contract!

As for the dish networks - bleech on them! They won't even come out and fix their own stinking equipment which you pay a monthly fee for and they charge five bucks to see a movie that's going to be on network TV a week or so later! Rude buggers too!

It seems to me that Corporate America has gotten it's signals crossed. They should be grateful for their existing consumer and be aware that we see them giving stuff to the new guys and we're not happy about it!

CORPORATE AMERICA I WANT MY GOODIES FOR LETTING YOU BLEED MY POCKETBOOK DRY FOR DECADES!!!! WHERE'S MY TOASTER? WHERE'S MY STUFFED PONY? WHERE'S MY FREE CELL PHONE!!!

To Corporate America it's all about the bottom line - Big Bucks is their goal and you'd better get outta their way!

ON THE UPSIDE: I did get a nice refrigerator magnet from my mechanic last week.

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COMMUNITY ASSOCIATIONS - it's the PROPER POLICE!

2008-07-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

I have a bug up my bum today over CCRs and Community Associations. I hate them and I despise the people who run them.

There's just something pissy and irritating about people who think they have a right to tell you how to deal with property that you pay for - and pay for pretty highly these days!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're going to say - "property values! must maintain the property values!" - but telling someone what color they can paint their door or what kind of grass they have to plant or what they can and can't decorate their lawn with is just going too far. I've even heard of community associations that dictate what kind of doorbell you're allowed!

Recently a friend told me about how their community association got a complaint letter from one person about how much dust was blowing onto their lawn from their neighbors lawn. Excuse me? Dear Anal Retentive Dust Jackass, just exactly how did you determine which dust came from their yard and which came in on the 60 mile an hour winds that were blowing that week??

It seems to me that if you own a piece of property then you should be entitled to do what you want with it, within reason. If you're using it as a dump, or running a house of ill repute or some other activity that is illegal or truly is damaging to a neighborhood then the city laws should give your poor neighbors sufficient sway over those nefarious activities - one call and off you go to the hoosegow for code violations or felonious activity!

But since when does a purple door, a unique flag or a couple of pink flamingos constitute an offense against your fellow man? Do we all have to live in cookie cutter neighborhoods where every house is exactly the same and all the little Stepford wives and husbands scurry about their "community approved" lives and nary a neighborhood kook is seen? Is individuality such a scourge to property values?

As for the ruling class of those community associations - the Protocol Police, the Neighborhood Nazis - who tour the block hunting for violations - get a stinking life! If you had your own life you might be too busy and too happy to stick your nose in your neighbors lives!

ON THE UPSIDE: I keep all (well, most) of my weird individuality inside my home where snooping eyes can't see and I don't invite or even let the nosey parkers in when they "come to call". It drives them nuts and that makes me happy!

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I'm Not Ranting on my new Retro Pop Culture Talk Show - Come on, Get Happy!

2008-07-16T07:38:00.000-07:00

Let's forget the rants for a bit and get nostalgic and take a little trip down Memory Lane. You can go home again - just stop by and listen to my Retro Pop Culture Talk Show, TRIPPIN' DOWN MEMORY LANE!

When? Tomorrow! July 17th at 10 a.m. (PST), 1 p.m. (EST)
Where? www.blogtalkradio.com/popartdiva

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

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I'M the BRAT IN THE HAT and I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT

2008-07-11T20:14:00.001-07:00

I got a questionnaire from my friend Bill Shafer over at Growing Bolder.com and one of the questions was what would I do if I were President. Boy, did I have an answer or two! Poor Bill!

But his questionnaire made me think about just what I would do and just how badly things are being handled now -- I figured I couldn't do worse!

So, I have decided to run for President of the United States. (I would really prefer to be Queen of the United States but I'm just too busy to run a coup right now.)

Here's my platform: I promise not to screw things up any more than they are now and I will repeal all taxes on martinis, designer shoes and chocolate. Oh, and I'll put a gallon of gasoline in every pot and a green friendly car* in every garage - but I won't kiss your sticky babies.

Please vote for me as a write-in candidate. I am The BRAT in the HAT, and I approved this ad.

And you can get my political campaign posters, tee shirts, cups and other presidential gifts and apparel at The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM - Temporary Headquarters for my political campaign The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM - Temporary Headquarters for my political campaign

*Green friendly car will be one of those push pedal cars you had when you were a kid.

GET A REAL JOB! Chasing Filthy Lucre in Corporate America

2008-07-06T07:06:00.000-07:00

Just in case you might wonder what's giving me ulcers this morning, it's the idea of going out and getting a job in today's work force. Read these two articles on working in Corporate America and you'll get an idea of why the current score of my Stomach Acid Game is Ulcers 2 - The Brat in the Hat - 0:

5 Lifestyle Activities That Can Get You Fired - This is why I am self-employed!
Employers use federal law to deny benefits - This is why I don't pay for any insurance that is not required by law and, again, why I am self-employed!

The last paragraph in the above article really started the acid flowing into my poor, abused tummy - make note of the last sentence and be aware that I am currently 57 years old:

She recognizes that she is more fortunate than many others who have fought similarly futile battles for benefits under ERISA. "What if we had had children and I was a stay at home mom?" said Amschwand-Bellinger, who previously worked for a public hospital system. "What if I was 60 years old, with no skill sets, and I had to go back to work?"

Though I do have a few skill sets my age is the biggest detriment to procuring a position in "Corporate America'. Well, that, and the fact that I am seriously independent, outspoken and extremely "jackass" intolerant. Add to that a slight disability and you have a bad candidate for a getting a decent nine to five job! Oh, my stomach is churning, where are the antacids?

But then again, why would I want to work where the employer has total say over my life style, where the "benefits" I pay for are bogus, where the pay doesn't begin to cover basic living expenses and in order to get there I have to shell out nearly $5 a gallon for gas?

Something is very wrong in "Corporate Americaland". To quote every Star Wars character "I've got a bad feeling about this!"

ON THE UPSIDE: I've been self employed for so long that my mindset towards earning my living is centered around owning a business and not getting a job. I actually have a talent for thinking up new businesses for myself and others. I see work as "enterprise" not as a job. Now there is a skill set that is of benefit in times like these. Oh, my stomach feels better.

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SCOTTY, I NEED FULL POWER!

2008-07-04T11:54:00.000-07:00

Happy freaking 4th - I hope you're having a better time than me!

So, I'm working almost 24/7 trying to get my revamp on PopArtDiva Dot Com finished. I've been forced to get up at 2 or 3 a.m. and start working because - whoopty frack - I'm getting brown outs starting around noon here!

Yes, living in the Podunkville of the Universe has it's charms - no culture, nothing to do, no Romulan Ale and crappy power because they siphon it off for the "big city". Of course, I'm wondering which "big city" is getting my watts starting around noon! I'd like to fire all phasers at that big city!

Today it set me off because I was in the middle of fixing some code errors that happened in about 6 pages - code errors that I couldn't find. It was like hunting for the grain in a tribble bin! I finally just started from my template again (I create template designs for all my major web sections - just for these kind of bugs!), but I was grumbling about redoing work I thought was done.

Just at the last one - beep, beep, beep - my battery back up starts to scream "Captain, I've got no power!" and I am forced to cut the warp engines and sit dead in space while the Klingons of electricity pillage my volts! Allow me to quote Admiral Kirk in Star Trek five or six or seven or whatever, "I've always hated Klingons and I always will"

Peace and Long Life, my ass! May your Klingon butts get sucked into a black hole never to be seen again!

ON THE UPSIDE: I am using my sitting dead in space time to post to my blogs - and I will go take a nap and catch up on my sleep! Check out my July 4th Fireworks Martini, it's blueberry and better than Romulan Ale and Klingons are allergic to blueberries!

Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU BLOODY MONEY CHANGING IDIOTS!

2008-06-26T06:12:00.000-07:00

I know better. I know better than to listen to the news. I know better!

I got up at 3 a.m. this morning to work on my website revamp and was listening to CNBC's Squawk - because that's where my channel was after recording The Big Idea and nothing else was on anyway at that time of the day.

. . . .oh, a little aside rant - we pay gazillions of dollars a month for bazillions of channels and it's all crap!!! Crap I tell you! Okay, back to my main point. . . .

So, I'm listening to Squawk, aptly named, and all I hear is how bad the economy is. Gee, think we don't know? All the financial "gurus" and "experts" are saying things are bad and they're telling us why it's bad. But do they have an answer? NO!

And then I see them advertising a story Untold Wealth - Rise of the Super Rich. Here's their lead-in squawk, "as the nation struggles to pay it's bills, for a rarefied few these are the best of times". AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!

I said it before and I'm saying it again, the middle class is turning into the serf class! The rich are getting richer and everyone else is going down to financial hell! And it's pissing me off.

Why? Because I'm one of those poor serfs - like most of you out there. I'm just an ordinary schmoe trying to make a decent living. And every time I get myself close to some financial security or break through on a business the economy tanks! I'm beginning to think it's personal!

I don't know about you but I'm spending more time screaming at the television these days - especially when the news is on and particularly when a politician or a financial "guru" is on. The more they talk the worse it gets! They scare the holy spending trends out of people and - screeeech! - the economy comes to a halt.

Shut up, Shut up, Shut up!!!!!! Then I turned the channel.

ON THE UPSIDE: My online stores are doing nicely - and why not? When you shop online you SAVE GAS, SAVE TIME and SAVE MONEY! You don't drive to the mall, you don't have to box and pack you gifts, and you don't have to drive to the post office and stand in line!

Now, think about that and then go visit my stores before you grab your keys to head outside to shop! One click and your purchase is done, packed and shipped - with a gift card! - right to the door of your choice!

The PopArtDiva Boutique
The Martini Diva Boutique
The Diva of Tiny Foods Shoppe
Brat In the Hat RANTORIUM EMPORIUM
The Life is Like Art Shop
The Normal Challenged Artist Shop

AND ANOTHER THING. . . . .

2008-06-21T07:06:00.001-07:00

I've had my head buried in revamping my website, PopArtDiva.com so I haven't had a lot of time to rant lately. That doesn't mean that things aren't bugging me or setting my teeth on edge, it just means I haven't had time to let them get the upper hand.

But here's a few little things that always bug me:

BUTT CRACKS - You know, I hardly ever look at my own butt so what makes you think I want to look at yours? Pull your stinkin' pants up! Or just never leave your house and save the world an eyesore!
UNCONTROLLED KIDS - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know children are our future, it takes a village, blah, blah, blah. But what ever happened to discipline? Teach those brats of yours some manners, keep them on a leash or go to the clinic and get some birth control.
STUPID DRIVERS - You know the ones. They put the key in the ignition and drive. That's it. They pay no attention to anything else on the road. That's because they own it. Don't they?

ON THE UPSIDE: I've been chained to my computer for that last few weeks so I haven't had to deal with too many of those lurking irritants. And I'm almost done with my website revamp and looking forward to doing some new designs for my online stores! Woohoo, I've got a bunch of rantalicious designs lined up for the Rantorium Emporium and the Pop Art Diva Boutique!

Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

BURY THE BABY AND WALK AWAY, WHY DON'T YOU?

2008-06-12T20:27:00.000-07:00

I have nothing specific to rant about today just a general rant-itis (oh shut up, spell check, I know that's not a word!) Everybody and everything is getting on my nerves today.

I'm resizing thumbnails for my new design of PopArtDiva.com, my pop culture and pop art website, and resizing art is tedious and tres boring. It's getting hot here in Arizona and I don't like 100 plus temperatures. Plus this was one of those days when everyone decided it was time to call and talk. I can sit for weeks without a phone call and then, bingo, everyone gets chatty on the same damn day. Usually a day when I don't want to talk to anyone.

It's one of those days I just woke up feeling out of sorts and pissy. I don't have them often but when I do it's always best to run and hide. If you value your life.

Add to this Pixel's semi-annual "nesting" season. Twice a year she goes into some sort of female doggy hormone imbalance. I can always tell one's upon us when she grabs this grungy hot dog squeeky toy (out of her humongous pile of really cute and clean doggy toys) and proceeds to carry it around with her constantly, all the while whining and wandering around aimlessly.

It took me a couple of years to realize she was acting out phantom doggy motherhood, a state I ruthlessly disallowed her. She will keep this hot dog "baby" with her, then get distracted and drop it. Then panic ensues when she can't find her "baby".

She also fake "buries it". She'll dig a nice fake "hole" in some piece of my furniture, drop the hot dog "baby" in the "hole", pretend to cover it in non-existent dirt and walk away like it's safe and hidden. I then have to pretend that I don't see it. My dog is extremely neurotic in this phase and I am extremely, notoriously impatient with neurotic behavior.

But you have to be patient, all women have hormonal psychotic breaks and Pixel is entitled to hers. It's unfortunate that her hormones and my hormones tend to act up at the same time!

ON THE UPSIDE: The day is over, I am now on my second Cilantro Martini - hey, don't gag, they're really good - and Pixel is really, really sweet and loving when she's faking motherhood. Plus I can see light at the end of the tunnel with my web redesign and then I'll get to go back to the fun stuff - like making really mean, but funny designs for The Brat in the Hat Rantorium Emporium!

Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

I SOUNDED BETTER IN THE SHOWER, I SWEAR TO GOD!

2008-06-08T23:28:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last week finishing up my PopArtDiva Boutique, my pop culture art store at CafePress. Now I'm redesigning my website. Today my computer fought me every inch of the way and my fingers were in cahoots with the computer. I hit every wrong button and typing dyslexia plagued me all day. Bah.

I did get my template layout for the art pages designed, now all I have to do is drop in the shopping cart codes - bah again! Boring.

ON THE UPSIDE: A friend of mine has introduced me to Karaoke at MySpace. What a hoot. Here have some laughs at my expense:

Gilligan's Island Theme the Bratty Way

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A $5000 Cell Phone?? Oh, GIVE ME A BREAK!

2008-06-02T08:23:00.000-07:00

You heard me right, the famous house of Christian Dior has "designed" a cell phone for people with more money than sense.

Not content to stay within the bounds of traditional fashion accessories, this iconic fashion house has moved it's artistic talent into the tech world to bring you - woo-Fraking-hoo - a phone available in red, pink and white!!

Another "breakthrough" design element - a clip on "mini phone" (called "My Dior") which is about the size of a USB key and connects to the main phone via Bluetooth. Uh. . . . isn't that just a fancy name for a Bluetooth headset - except it doesn't fit your ear????

Evidently this brilliant idea was in response to other haute couture houses (Dolce & Gabbana, Prada and Giorgio Armani) who previously introduced "designer" phones with some success. Oh gosh, where have I been? I missed a new fashion trend, I am a fashion "don't" with my "po-white-trash" cell phone! Oh, whoe is me.

Interestingly, the phone is targeted at China and Russia. So, my fellow Americans, you have lost your status, you be yesterday's news, you got no cash for the flash!

You know what really bugs me about all this? It is just another sign that the middle class is dead. Most of us are now struggling to put gasoline in our cars to get to work and finding it harder to afford groceries and a decent place to live. Do we need another product that reminds us we can't afford even the basics of a decent life let alone needless luxuries?

The world reverts to the haves and have nots, the rich get richer while the poor get poorer.

ON THE UPSIDE: I have a bunch of pretty Swarovski crystals left over from my jewelry making days and some super glue. . . . . .

Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

POLITICS - BAH HUMBRATS!

2008-05-29T11:13:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little irritated by the election. I'm just so sick of politics, politicians and B.S.! I don't believe anything that falls from the lips of anyone in or running for public office (how funny, I just mistyped "public" without the "l" - hmmm, Freudian slip?)

Why vote when the electoral college can elect a president that is not the winner of the popular vote? Why do we still use this antiquated form of electing our officials? I think our political system is a joke. Bugger!

I'm The BRAT in the HAT and I approved this ad.

ON THE UPSIDE: I get a lot of good parody from it all - check out my "Washington disses Washington" graphic on really fun tees, gifts, and goodies at my new store The PopArtDiva Boutique!

AND I was interviewed by Growing Bolder Radio on my Baby Boomer inspired web enterprises recently! Stop by and read the profile and listen to the interview!

Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

FIRST KILL ALL THE SPAMMERS!

2008-05-24T06:25:00.000-07:00

So, I get up at 5:30 A-stinkin'-M to check my mail and post to a couple of my blogs before I have to head off to an art show:

I am already not a happy camper because it's supposed to rain off and on today and I shall be sitting in it with my art, expecting to sell art to a bunch of hikers and lookee-loos. Not a good start to the day.
It's 5:30 in the morning and I'm freezing because the temperatures have dropped 50 degrees in a matter of hours - it's snowing in Arizona at the end of May???
I'm tired from building my PopArtDiva BOUTIQUE (p.s. - stop by, buy something and make my day, okay?)
I'm old and I'm grumpy at the best of times anyway

I check my mail and there's a notice telling me I have 4 messages at one of my Artistic Social Networking sites. So, off I go, like a good little networker, to check them.

And what do I find? The four messages are all from the same bimbo in some third world country asking for my bank account information and blabbering some "poor me" story! Yup, SPAM - and four copies just so I don't miss the chance to get royally screwed!!!

Like I have the time for this crap?

DEAR SPAMMERS - a curse on all of you! May you rot in a hell specifically designed for you where you are chained to a giant laptop that forever loops the sound file "YOU'VE GOT MAIL! YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

ON THE UPSIDE: I have created a new store just for you, my fellow harassed humans, and you may visit it for my latest rant graphic on cool crap like tees, cups, cards, aprons etcetera. Go ahead, Make My Day and buy something - I'm rotating new designs each month so grab 'em while they're hot:
Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

Hey, Dipwad! Wake up on the wrong side of your OWN BED!

2008-05-16T10:49:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love people who wake up in a bad mood and then have to bleed the negativity into your world?

I'm talking about those individuals who get their "grump" on and, because they can't keep their emotions to themselves, jump all over you for whatever reason they can find. It seems that since they're having a bad day they want to make sure you are having one too.

It's like kicking your dog when you're in a bad mood. It's unfair, uncontrolled and RUDE! The dog didn't do anything to them and neither did you or I - we just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

If at all possible we should try to avoid certain people on certain days, but with this kind of person it's hard. These are Grumpy Gorillas - they're fine one day then - Wham! - the next day they're in your face growling and snarling at you while you stammer and stumble and wonder what the heck you did.

Until you can learn to shake off these kind of emotional gorilla attacks you are subject to having your day ruined whenever someone else wakes up on the wrong side of Your Bed!

ON THE UPSIDE: I have finished the logo for my new BRAT in the HAT Rantorium Emporium and it will be up and available for you to shop by next week, so be sure to subscribe or check back for updates! You're gonna crack up at some of the art and sayings that will be on the merchandise!

I'm not dead - but it sure feels like it

2008-05-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

If you're wondering if I ran out of things to rant about, have no fear, I have 57 years of irritation just itching to get out. I've just been too busy and too tired to rant, can you believe it?

I'm setting up my full store for the PopArtDiva Boutique and I'm working around the clock. I promised it for the 15th - that's tomorrow and I'm not going to meet my deadline. I underestimated the pain of setting up a site via an online site builder. What a pain. Icky, Yucky, Blah.

ON THE UPSIDE: I did get mini stores up for 4 of my blogs - check them out. And the store designs are cute, huh? See there's one design for each of those blogs - and stay tuned! I'm going to create some really fun designs for BRAT in the HAT Emporium Rantorium!

Click the links below to purchase these designs on tees, posters, cups, magnets, pillows,aprons and more:

The MARTINI DIVA Boutique

The DIVA of TINY FOODS Shoppe

The Life Is Like Art Shop

The NORMAL CHALLENGED ARTIST Shop

So, not too many rants this week. I'm too tired to bitch anyway. ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............

Your $2000 Crown cost your dentist about $30?

2008-05-08T20:04:00.000-07:00

I don't listen to the news often - it's too damn depressing, but this morning I had it on while I made coffee and ABC had a story on dental crowns with LEAD IN THEM!

Yes, my friends, those crowns you've been paying a small fortune for are being made in China for ridiculous costs from as little as $15 according to the news story!

But the worst part is these crowns have lead in them! Pretty large amounts it would seem. Read the story and see the video of the news report on crowns from China with lead here.

The story talks about crowns costing as much as $1200, but I've been quoted up to $2000 here in Arizona!

What really bugged me was the jackass guy at a dental lab who laughed and said "don't ask, don't tell", crowing about his insane profit margin!!!! I wonder just how much of a cut our dentists are getting and what their profit is???

This is absolutely ridiculous, especially for those of us without dental insurance. No wonder so many people are now going to Mexico and other countries for dental and medical work. They may have lead in their crowns too, but at least you're paying less to get lead poisoning!

If you happen to be a dentist and read this blog - don't bother to respond about your high costs of insurance, equipment, blah, blah, blah. Frankly, I don't give a damn about you and your costs. You knew what you were getting into before you entered medical school, besides I don't see any of you driving second hand cars or working two jobs just to pay rent. And you all have such nice, lead free teeth!

I'm concerned about the people who are walking around with lead seeping into their bodies or walking around toothless because they can't afford to fix their teeth. Hell, I'm not too sure some of my dental work is not made with lead! Maybe that might explain my low "asshole tolerance" level, this blog and my inability to pay attention to annoying people. Here's a list of lead poisoning symptoms:

Possible complications include:

Reduced IQ
Slowed body growth
Hearing problems
Behavior or attention problems
Failure at school
Kidney damage

The symptoms of lead poisoning may include:

Irritability
Aggressive behavior
Low appetite and energy
Difficulty sleeping
Headaches
Reduced sensations
Loss of previous developmental skills (in young children)
Anemia
Constipation
Abdominal pain and cramping (usually the first sign of a high, toxic dose of lead poison)
Very high levels may cause vomiting, staggering gait, muscle weakness, seizures, or coma

ON THE UPSIDE: I'll probably forget all about this because I have a ton of crowns in my mouth which might be leaking lead into my brain. Wait, what was I talking about?

This image from Wikipedia commons is in the public domain because its copyright has expired.

A CURSE ON DUMBASSES EVERYWHERE!

2008-05-06T12:47:00.000-07:00

Today I am suffering from a malady I like to call "Ass-itis". It's sort of a general complaint of percolating bitchiness caused by a larger than normal number of encounters with the jackasses of the world.

Have you ever noticed these horse's asses seem to flock together and invade your life all at once? Why is that? Is it planetary alignment or just some magnetic resonance that draws the dumbasses of the world to you in greater than average numbers on certain days?

I can go for weeks without one encounter of a true butt influenced individual and then - Bam! Pow! - I'm in a pod of them while stupid questions and asinine behavior swirl around me in a fetid fog of irritation!

There should be a law against them, or at least some meds you can take. You know, something like a jackass laxative where they end up where they belong or maybe ass-pirin, take one pill and don't call me in the morning!

ON THE UPSIDE: I am on the upswing, mending from my clash with the rear side of donkeys and horses. I'm enjoying a stormy day of rain showers and thunder in a normally hot time of year in the desert and I'm going to go and take a little nap while the sound of rain drops lulls me into a nice refreshing slumber. I will wake up to a world where all the dust and jackasses have been washed away and my grumpiness has disappeared while I dozed. Life will be jackass free once again, at least for a little while.

Horse's Ass is available on apparel and gifts at the PopArtDiva BOUTIQUE

TOO SICK TO RANT? WHAT'S THE WORLD COMING TO?

2008-05-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

I have been sick this week and haven't had the energy to think about things that bugged me. Then I realized that what was bugging me didn't come from the outside world, it came from my aging body that refuses to act like it's still sixteen!

How dare it! Doesn't it know I'm not in the mood to deal with it's aging issues? Is my body aware that I don't have time for it for sag, droop, wilt and have a tantrum?

No, it's just the body that I created and it's reacting to my age, my fondness for rich foods and designer martinis, and the abuse I have heaped on it for over 50 years. It doesn't care that my mind and my soul are still young and vibrant, it has it's own problems.

Poor little body, you are not a spring chicken anymore and I still demand you behave like one. I drink too much coffee, I stay up 'til all hours writing my blogs, doing my art and then push you to do heavy lifting at art shows - and I won't even let you have that nap you're screaming for every day around two in the afternoon!

Come to think of it, I'm not the one who should be ranting here. My body is. Oh, wait, that's what is was doing while I was sick all week! Okay, I'll take my old fart meds and get you a massage and a nap.

ON THE UPSIDE: I am a little better and I'm GETTING A MASSAGE! I'M GETTING A MASSAGE!

Post images Copyright 2008 by PopArtDiva.com. All rights reserved. No permission is given to copy, distribute or reproduce without written permission from PopArtDiva.com.

ANOTHER THRILLING ADVENTURE OF OUR HERO - INFLATABLE BEN!

2008-04-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

and his Battle with the Necessary but Evil "FILTHY LUCRE!"

Yes, folks! It's time again for another Mystery Hour Episode of "Where Has My Damn Money Gone?!"

This week we tune in to our intrepid hero, Inflatable Ben who - to his (and our) withering horror - is being siphoned slowly into Filthy Lucre's villainous, but ingenious, Gas Pump Vortex!

Slowly we turn and watch as a shriveling (but still inflatable) Ben disappears into the voracious coffers of the dastardly Gas Pump Vortex created by Evil Filthy Lucre and his cohorts, Crude "Big" Oil and Potus T. Goober! Is there nothing we can do? Is there no one to turn to?

Is this the end of Ben? Will no change ever come out of the Gas Pump Vortex again? Will Penny, Ben's faithful, but greatly undervalued assistant/girlfriend, be able to compound her interest in a devalued Ben? Will Filthy Lucre finally have his way with Penny, defeat Ben and empty my wallet?

Yeah, probably. And here's the really, truly disgustingly sad part:

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Feb. 28, 2008

ON THE UPSIDE: Only 270 days, 23 hours and 50 minutes left to go.

FILTHY LUCRE is available as archival prints and giclees on canvas in various sizes at PopArtDiva.com. Copyright 2008 by PopArtDiva.com. All rights reserved. No permission is given to copy, distribute or reproduce without written permission from PopArtDiva.com.

STUPID ME, STUPID ME, STUPID ME

2008-04-18T09:01:00.001-07:00

I should have known better. Yup. I ignored my own better judgment and did something I didn't want to do and now I'm sorry. At my age you'd think I'd know better. But I let myself get talked into doing something I didn't really want to do and now I'm paying for it.

I should have trusted my instincts BUTT (misspelling intentional here), I let a friend talk me into doing a project I hesitated to do. Now I'm learning all over again that you can't trust others to get their part of a job done.

This is why I am a "sole" proprietor. It's why I don't have partners. I know this. What I don't know is why I ignored my own inner warnings and expected it to "be better this time" - maybe because I expected this friend to hold up their end. Now, how stupid am I?

And I took this on during one of my busiest times of the year for my art shows! I should have known better!!! Stupid, stupid me!

ON THE UPSIDE: Despite my bout with Stupid-itis, I managed to finish up 13 new Painted Sculpture Fusions for my show this weekend - I'll post photos of some of them later today on my LIFE IS LIKE ART blog.

And the weather is gorgeous, the birds are singing and Pixel is going through an affectionate phase so I'm getting all kinds of doggy love! She loves me even when I do stupid things!

I WISH I HAD AN I-PHONE SO I COULD SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!

2008-04-15T16:05:00.000-07:00

What is it with the I-Phone commercials? They make a new commercial and then blast it at the world constantly until you just want to buy one to smash it to bits!

The last commercial in the round is the one where they tell you to go ahead and make a five dollar bet because you have the internet "in your pocket". According to the commercial you can win the bet because you have proof you are right via the internet right there with you! So you will then have the internet and an extra five dollars from the bet in your pocket. Woo -flipping - Hoo.

I've had the internet on my cell phone for years, I'm not impressed. Frankly, I'm sick to death of I-Phone commercials because they run the same one at least twice an hour for weeks on end! And that bloody theme song they run in the background drives me nuts. I-B-I-Phonesick.

ON THE UPSIDE: The new Volkswagen commercials are hilarious! Having a talking "Bug" interview has-been celebs it clever and the German accented Bug's voice is a nice touch. The lastest in this series has the Bug interviewing "The Hoff" (David Hasselhoff) is a crack-up:

I REALLY HATE APRIL 15th and I REALLY LIKE TAX FREE MARTINIS!

2008-04-11T21:51:00.001-07:00

I dread tax time. I abhor paperwork. I can't stand anything that requires math. I especially dislike any kind of math that requires subtracting - usually from my checkbook! I don't like reading anything in fine print, following instructions and dotting my i's and signing my life away. I'm funny that way.

So, when it comes to filing my taxes I'm always all a-dither, fretting the monster chore of filling out a 1040, figuring depreciation and doing other money things I don't think any normal human should have a clear understanding of. I wake up in the middle of the night with the sweats - although that could be hot flashes.

All year long I save receipts, log my miles, do my Quicken. But then somewhere around April 1st (April Fool's Day - how apropo!) I realize I must then compile all this crap into deduction type, start entering totals into a calculator, fill in blanks and try to make sense of my paltry income to some bean counter locked away in a gray cubicle in some government building who likes nothing better than to do what I detest - count beans!

So, like the martini loving, normal challenged artist that I am I spent my time doing something more productive! I created a Tax Time Martini and a new piece of Tax Free Martini Art! Please join me in a lot of these TAX FREE MARTINIS and buy one of my MARTINIS SHOULD BE TAX FREE! art pieces so next year I have some actual money to declare, okay?

ON THE UPSIDE: I filed an extension.

MARTINIS SHOULD BE TAX FREE! is available as archival prints and giclees on canvas in various sizes at PopArtDiva.com. Copyright 2008 by PopArtDiva.com. All rights reserved. No permission is given to copy, distribute or reproduce without written permission from PopArtDiva.com.

BLOGGING BE GOOD - ME LIKE BLOGGING

2008-04-09T14:27:00.000-07:00

I did it to myself you know. I started one blog, then another, then another and now I have 8 blogs to write for. Each one is geared towards something of interest to me whether it be my art, pop culture, martinis or tiny foods (appetizers).

The word is that you should post to your blog(s) at least once a day for good rankings, or at least do that in the first two weeks. No problem. I have a lot to say. I just don't have a lot of time to say it! And I'm feeling the pressure - like in the old days when I had ad deadlines. That kind of takes the fun out of it so I have decided that once a week is minimum, not once a day. I can handle once a week for 8 blogs and it's more important that my posts be fun for me than be cranked out on a schedule. Good content is better than crap posted for the sake of posting, don't you think? Quality versus quantity is my motto!

Okay, must post - Google rankings standing behind me with a whip, saying from a virtual burning bush - "Go forth and post. Be diligent and fruitful and multiply your content. The lord Google shall reward it's faithful with better page ranks and search engine rankings"

Oh, go google yourself.

ON THE UPSIDE: I love writing. I love writing about things I love, like my art, martinis, food and pop culture. I love this blog because I get to complain and get it out of my system. I love doing art for my blogs because this art often stimulates my Pop Culture Art. And Google's not such a bad computer deity as deities go! So, blogging be good!

CONSTANTLY CHASTISED BY SPELL CHECK!

2008-04-07T08:08:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like being scolded by a computer program. It's not enough that criticism comes at me from every Tom, Dick and Harry Busybody and that my mother's voice echoes in my head with frequent blasts of disapproval, oh no, nuh uh! Now I get chastised by computer software for bad spelling!

Thiz scentance iz diliberatly mizspelled so yu kan see the spankkings I get from spellchek! For somme reazon blogger's spellchek evenn slapps mi hannd for a propperly spellled word like barbeque!

And if I want to say french bread without capping the "f" I get another ruler to my poor abused hands! Crack! (dam, that hurt!)

Nothing like getting red-lined by a machine!

ON THE UPSIDE: I do appreciate not looking like a total moron because of a plethora of misspelled words and I love the fact that I don't have to waste too much time on dictionary dot com when I write. Spell check is truly a wonderful developement and (crap, I spelled development wrong!) and the only reason it constantly harasses me is because of my finger dyslexia. So I have learned to slow down my typing which, in turn, slows down my thinking and that's not such a bad thing after all!

MEA CUPLA! IT'S SUNDAY AND I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO ADD MY "ON THE UPSIDE" TO YESTERDAY'S POST

2008-04-06T19:53:00.000-07:00

I promised you and myself that I would always end each rant and gripe post with a positive note as part of my policy of taking a negative and turning it into a positive and I FORGOT MY UPSIDE FOR YESTERDAY! Pooh on me, my bad, mea culpa, I will beat myself with a martini pick after I eat the olives........

On the Upside for YESTERDAY'S POST: All this talk about ducks has inspired me to do a fun Pop Art of rubber duckys and today I spent the day working on it so keep an eye on my LIFE IS LIKE ART blog tomorrow to see the finished image! See, there is always something good to find in everything and everybody - because I was bugged by uptight busybodies I got a new idea for art! Pretty ducky, huh?

On the Upside for today: I will be interviewed for a teleseminar on "HOW TO PREPARE TO DO AN ART SHOW" on Rosie and Ray Horner's website: I DON'T KNOW BUT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO DOES on Monday, April 14th at 3:00 p.m. EST.

This will be the first of several teleseminars they have asked me to do on a series of articles I am writing on "How to Do Art and Craft Shows for Profit and Fun" and I'm looking forward to working with Rosie and Ray and helping other ARTISTS LEARN HOW TO SELL THEIR ART!

So, mark your calendar and join in the fun - the live teleseminar is FREE!

THEY WANT TO FIX ME - ISN'T THAT JUST DUCKY?

2008-04-05T00:25:00.001-07:00

Why is it that certain people are always happy to tell me what's wrong with me and the way I live my life? They feel the need to fix me so I can be normal - like them. Isn't that nice of them?

Sometimes it seems I am surrounded by anal retentive types who spend their days cleaning things with toothbrushes, making sure their checkbooks balance to the penny, keeping all their ducks in a neat and tidy row and then - so very kind of them - watching me to make sure I do the same!

Sadly, I am not a person who cares to keep my ducks in a row. I like my ducks all a kilter and cheerfully kitty-wampus or should I say "quaky-wampus"? Whatever the case may be, I am not a "ducks in a row" person, I am a NORMAL CHALLENGED ARTIST™ with a taste for scattered ducks. I like things a little askew and colorful. I don't do normal, normal bores me beyond insanity.

Isn't it nice that these tidy little people have the time to line up ducks all day? I don't. I work at least 16 hours a day, seven days a week running my art businesses. The few hours I have left I'd rather spend having a martini and just leave my ducks where they are!

My answer to those people who would like to keep me and my ducks in line? Think about it for a minute. Okay, now just make sure you clean it with a toothbrush after and place it back in that perfect little row 'cause the Duck Police are watching!

HELLO? TELEVISION NETWORKS? YOU'RE BUGGIN' ME BEYOND BELIEF!

2008-04-03T08:33:00.000-07:00

A few years ago the cable networks decided it would be a good idea to put their logos on the screen ALL THE TIME! They were fairly small, non animated and just sat there reminding you what channel you were watching. How very kind of them - I do forget what channel I'm watching and that is of utmost importance to me while I'm watching the boob tube. You betcha!

Then, since they got away with those little marketing stunts, they decided "Hey, let's start marketing other programs while we've got the eyeballs on the screen!" Badda bing badda crap, all of a sudden we were treated to a commercial right in the middle of our favorite programs! Yessiree Bob, there were flashing, blinking ads that took up nearly half the screen popping up faster than McDonald's sells hamburgers! What a boon for their marketing monkeys! What a brilliant idea to get free advertising!

WHAT A PAIN IN THE BUTT TO YOUR AUDIENCE! They're annoying! They interrupt our program - sometimes blanking out half the screen during a critical moment in the program. They bug me beyond belief and I'll bet I'm not the only buggee!

How big will these ads get? Will they eventually grow to fill the whole screen? Will we then have to pay MORE money to see the programs hidden underneath shameless promotion?

I know the networks will never go back. I know I'll always be flashed with these obscenities as long as I watch television, but at least I got to air my grievances. Gee, I feel better. Yeah, right.

ON THE UPSIDE: Nope, no upside to shameless network marketing, but it is a gorgeous day here, 72 with a slight breeze and I'm depositing my first Google check today!

I HAVE NOTHING TO BE BRATTY ABOUT TODAY

2008-04-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

April Fools!
I'm sick of politics and the candidates. That commercial with that woman over dramatizing her fibromyalgia makes me want to smack the ad agency that created it. I'm still gagging on red dust (I refer you to my two previous posts), and I ate all the Oreos yesterday and there's none left for tonight!

ON THE UPSIDE: Hell's Kitchen is back!!!!! I love that bad boy, Chef Ramsey! I can turn off the TV and with it the politics and whining bimbos, until Hell's Kitchen premieres. I am able to speak above a croak and there's a bunch of little individual ice creams in my freezer with my name written all over them!!! Life is good when you have bunches of ice cream in your freezer and Chef Ramsey's ranting to make you feel like an amateur!

Happy April Fool's Day! No kidding!

I JUST WANT TO EAT MY OREOS AND WATCH TIVO!

2008-03-31T17:15:00.001-07:00

You know, after this weekend of being blown to bits and covered in red dust for 2 days, all I wanted to do today was eat Oreos and watch Tivo.

My eyes burn and my throat is sore from the dirt that was embedded from 45 MPH wind gusts at my art show. I'm tired, pooped and generally feel like I've been in sandpapered to a nub.

All I wanted was a day off - is that too much to ask? I guess so because my phone has not stopped ringing, the dog still has to go for a walk, the trash must go out and business goes on.

This is the price you pay for having your own business and a work week that is not Monday to Friday, Nine to Five. People think you never work if you work at home. Boy, do they have that wrong! I work three times the hours of a regular job and I pretty much work every day.

If you would like to get an idea of what my job is like visit my NORMAL CHALLENGED ARTIST™ Blog and read some of my articles on How to Do Art Shows for Profit and Fun.

ON THE UPSIDE: I had a decent show, sold four originals and the show is over! As for working at home: I like not driving to and from work, I like being able to go to movies and the grocery store in the afternoon on a weekday, and I love my work so it's not a chore to do it all the time!

And I did get to gobble enough Oreos to be ashamed of myself!

Another Fun Day at an Art Show in the Red Rock Country of Sedona?

2008-03-29T20:24:00.000-07:00

I did an art show today in Sedona on a dirt lot. I sell my original Painted Sculpture Fusions at these shows - check out my newest pieces at my Life Is Like Art Blog.

Sedona is Red Rock Country. It is also red dirt country! Gusty winds started about noon and continued to the close of the show. I was covered in fine, gritty red dust from head to toe. There was red dirt in my mouth, my nose, my hair and even in my cooler. My pants, which were white (what was I thinking?) are now pinkish brown. I was drinking pepsi that was gritty. Ugh.

My nose clogged up around 2 and then my throat started to get irritated. My eyes were burning and I had a filmy layer of red grime over every inch of exposed skin. I could not wait to get home and shower off the grime.

And I have to go back tomorrow and do it all over again!

On the Upside: I made some nice sales before the wind started and it wasn't too hot or too cold. It also was not raining! Rain would have turned that dirt lot into a quagmire! So, it could have been a lot worse!

I am now all showered off and grit free and eating chocolate covered strawberries! I'm saving some for tomorrow - I'll need them.

Bearded Lady Freakazoid @ yahooooooo.com?

2008-03-28T18:04:00.000-07:00

My only gripe today is that I didn't get to relax before heading off to my show. I like to take part of a day before an art show to, you know, paint my toenails and wax my ever spreading chin hairs. (If you're not over 50, boy, do you have a treat in store!) . It's preferable, when you're trying to sell expensive original art, not to be the bearded lady freakazoid.

But, try as I might, the day got away from me and here I am at 6 p.m., waxing, shaving, sanding and buffing. I really envy men at times like these. Thanks to the grunge look they can leave off shaving if they want, society does not require them to be hairless and they don't need pink toenails to match their ensemble! It's not quite fair that men are able to get away with less than perfect grooming while we women have to make sure every hair is in place - or out of place, as the case may be.

Now I have to get back and yank off the wax before it cements itself to my more tender parts. . . .
ON THE UPSIDE: I get to wear my pretty little pink slingback flip-flops and I won't have to do this crap again until the next art show!

Press 2 For Spanish, Our Menu Has Changed, No Habla Englais

2008-03-27T19:42:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, in the land of "Ma Bell", in the kingdom of "Phone Support", when you called upon the castle for some help from the lord of the land you would get a real live person from the merchant class to assist you.

This person spoke the language of the land and you could understand them when they cheerfully gave their wisdom to the poor serfs who resided in this happy land of "Ma Bell".

Then one dark and stormy day, a big, bad dragon called "Foreign Outsourcing" came and ate up all the local merchants who spoke the language of the land. After this meal and a burp, "Foreign Outsourcing" spewed fire upon the castle and burned it down to the ground, just for fun and profit. "Foreign Outsourcing" howled something at the time, but the serfs only spoke the language of the land and they could not understand this alien dragon!

The serfs, lacking their friendly and understandable merchants, could no longer repair their work tools and soon the land lay fallow for lack of usable tools. Slowly the food grew scarce and resources grew low. The serfs were starving and being turned out into the cold and scary forest. Everywhere they turned, dragons roamed. Everywhere they called dragons screamed in alien tongues.

Then one day a stranger came to town. He was a well traveled minstrel and he spoke the language of the dragons! The serfs fell upon him as one and beseeched him, "Pray, Minstrel! What doth the dragon say?" The minstrel listed to the howling dragon's speech and replied,

"Our menu has changed, Press two for Spanish, No speakee English"

ON THE UPSIDE: I still get a real live person who speaks English within a few seconds when I call Go-Daddy support!!! BRAVO GO-DADDY, you're my knights in shining armor!

PRESS 2 FOR SPANISH is available as archival prints and giclees on canvas in various sizes at PopArtDiva.com. Copyright 2008 by PopArtDiva.com. All rights reserved. No permission is given to copy, distribute or reproduce without written permission from PopArtDiva.com.

I CAN'T GET A GRIP!

2008-03-26T19:25:00.001-07:00

Why is it that when you hurt your back you drop every stinking thing you pick up? I have back issues and over the years I have noticed a pattern, my back goes out and my fingers become dyslexic. I can't get a grip. I might as well not have opposable thumbs!

I've been working longer hours in the studio this week and already my back is screaming at the extra time. I have to finish 4 pieces before the show this weekend and I'm paying the price at the end of the day.

ON THE UPSIDE: I have trained my Yorkipoo, Pixel, to retrieve the things I drop - provided they're not too heavy or too big for her to carry in her little mouth. She is very happy to be of service and I pay her well, she gets 2 whole doggie cookies for each retrieval! Fortunately I don't throw my back out as often as I used to or Pixel would be one big, fat ball of fur from all the cookies!

The photo is Pixel giving me high five - she can also get shot dead, is raised back from the dead and then says a prayer in thanks. Plus she rolls over, does a bear imitation, dances, sings, fetches, and is generally just a smart little bugger! The photo links to Pixel's very own MySpace Page.

R - E - S - P - E - C - T, Find out what it means to me!

2008-03-25T19:03:00.001-07:00

This is an empty chair. The reason it's posted here is because it's empty. That's the part that is putting a knot in my thong today. See, someone (who shall remain nameless) said they were stopping by for a visit. That someone (who remains nameless, but they know who they are) never came by or called to say yeah or nay about the visit.

When someone says they're coming over or they're going to call, I make the truly stupid mistake of taking them at their word and expecting them to come over or call. How stupid am I? I take people at their word. Will I never learn?

I guess it's okay though because I have nothing better to do with my life but hang out and wait, right?

ON THE UPSIDE: I had someone else to sit in the chair and we had a lovely lunch and later some barbeque and some tasty martinis from my Martini Blog. I had a nice twilight dinner alfresco with someone who does what they say they're going to do! It's nice to have that kind of respect.

Gee, Sorry! I don't plan on dying soon!

2008-03-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

I did an art show this last weekend in Sedona. I've done art shows for 30 years and I've pretty much heard it all in terms of responses to my art, good and bad. But this was a new one, I had a prospective "client" ask me this weekend, "Do you think your art will go up in value after you die?"

Excuse me? After I die? Uh, gee, I don't really have any plans to kick the bucket real soon, you bozo! And when I do I don't think I'll be worried about whether the art you bought from me will bring in gazillions of dollars. I think I'll be a little more concerned - if I'm having any concerns at all - about what the temperature will be in my new location!

Folks, art should never be looked at or bought primarily as an investment.

First, if it really is an investment then it's probably way out of your price range already.
Second, no one can really tell you what will and will not increase in value in the art world because no one really knows!
Third, you're installing your new art in your home or office, you will be viewing it on a daily basis. The art you buy should bring you joy, speak to you, mean something to you when you look at it. It should not be viewed as a bank account accruing interest!

Now, support the arts, keep artists alive and prosperous and GO OUT AND BUY SOME ART - preferrably from me, but buy some art!

ON THE UPSIDE: I did sell a few pieces, including my newest, RAINBOW DRAGONFLIES, to some wonderful people who bought art the way it's meant to be bought - because they liked it! The weather was really nice, except for a couple of wind gusts, I did my annual Easter Egg hunt with Pixel and she loves that, and I always enjoy spending time with my artist compatriots.

Oh, and I did not die.

A SADDER BUT WISER GAL FOR ME?

2008-03-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm 57 and I'm in "that time of life". You know, the one that comes with hot flashes, wrinkles and a body that is slowly pooling down around your ankles. What bugs me is I'm still getting pimples! Come on already, it's like rubbing salt in an open wound! I should not be having the same issue as fresh faced teenagers whose boobs still point up! As for the hot flashes, I've had them since I was 40, enough already - somebody put out the fire!

Oh, just one more little thing, why is that now I am older and can really appreciate sex that I'm too old to get any?

ON THE UPSIDE: I'm finally getting fingernails. One advantage of getting older is that the calcium in your body starts seeping out of your bones and into your nails somehow. Okay, maybe not such a good thing for your bones but I've got fingernails now!

Oh, and I do get some sex, watch this:

TALKING ABOUT SOME SERIOUS BOOBAGE

2008-03-21T12:27:00.000-07:00

This is my little Pixel the month I got her - cute little bugger wasn't she? You'll see why I posted her photo here in a momento.

As I got older I finally developed some serious boobage. I have named "the girls" Thelma and Louise. This is not because they are cute and perky, it's because they have gone over the cliff. Would have been nice if I could have had them 30 years ago although I've never been fond of "boob men" so maybe it wasn't such a bad deal after all.

ON THE UPSIDE: I finally have a cup size larger than the grades I got in school - A's and B's. Of course, I can no longer go braless in public, but now I have enough room in between Thelma and Louise to tuck in a small puppy! Which is exactly what I did with Pixel when I first got her! It was kind of funny, all of a sudden she would pop her head out of my blouse and take a look see. You should have seen the looks on peoples faces!

WILL THE PHONE EVER STOP RINGING?

2008-03-20T17:41:00.001-07:00

Why is it that no one calls you for days on end and then everybody has to call you on the same day - usually a day that you don't have time to talk?

ON THE UPSIDE: At least you have people who want to talk to you!

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Things that are bugging me right now

2008-03-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

BIODEGRADABLE ALIEN GOO is available as archival prints and giclees on canvas in sizes from 11"x14" up to 3'x4' at Pop Art Diva Dot Com. Post images Copyright 2008 by PopArtDiva.com. All rights reserved. No permission is given to copy, distribute or reproduce without written permission from PopArtDiva.com.

I finally took the time to really clean my floor this morning. My bare feet were sticking to the Biodegradable Alien Goo that had accumulated and the little bits of dried grass and specks of junk from outside were so deep my dog, Pixel was nesting in them. Oh, okay it wasn't quite that bad, but I wasn't letting Pixel do her usual Hoover maneuvers on crumbs so I knew it was time to clean.

So I got it all nice and clean that I can apply the 5 second rule! Then what do I do? Yup, that's right, I spill Pepsi all over it. Sticky, sugary Pepsi. Why is it that every time I clean something I spill something on it within five minutes?????

The second thing bugging me is the news media - SHUT UP ABOUT THE BAD ECONOMIC TIMES ALREADY! YOU MORONS - YOU'RE MAKING THINGS WORSE! The more the news media talks about recession the more people freak out and quit spending money and the worse things get. SHUT UP, YOU EMPTY TALKING HEADS!

TV sucks. The writers strike killed the entire season and now we'll be lucky to get a few episodes in April/May. Have you noticed all the junk sitcoms that have popped up? Those are the shows that the networks passed on originally for the season but desperate times call for desperate measures, I guess.

ON THE UPSIDE (I did promise to end each rant with positive energy!)

Even though I had to clean part of my floor twice it is nice and shiny now and I can eat the M&Ms that fall down when I'm on the computer!

I have a DVR and I can record my shows and zip through those ridiculous News teasers and the annoyingly moronic commercials!

I'm working so much that I don't have a lot of time for the Boob Tube anyway - which means my Boob Tube blog has been sadly neglected but it also means I'm getting a lot of things done!

Okay, that's it for now - maybe tomorrow some world event will bug me and I can appear more erudite. Maybe just typing the word "erudite" will make me seem more erudite?
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I wonder, did Mr. Ed think Wilbur was a Yahoo?

2008-03-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess my first rant is going to be about computers. Is anyone else having problems with their Yahoo mail? Lately Yahoo mail has been driving me nuts - it's taking forever to load - it freezes up and won't send messages and I have to keep rebooting my browser.

It might even be a browser issue - I'm using Firefox, which I prefer over Internet Explorer, but Firefox has been freezing up on me too so I'm not sure what the problem is. If you hear me screaming you can bet I'm screaming at one of my computers lately!

But I am going to try to end each rant in a positive note - keeping with my new lifestyle of turning my negative thoughts into positive ones so here's the upside:

Computers, as touchy as they are, give us more ways to communicate, create, inform, play and learn.
I have a wonderful new way to create art as well as promote and sell my art.
I have made many new friends, created a network of business associates and reconnected with old friends via the computer.
I watch less television.

BTW, did you know that "Yahoo" is the term the horse's used for humans in Gulliver's Travels? If you remember, the horses didn't think humans were very bright and I've always wondered if Yahoo was making some kind of joke at our expense.

Sometimes I need to Pick a Nit and That's That!

2008-03-18T23:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I need to pick a nit
and take a chance to rant a bit.
When I gripe I wear this hat
and that, for good or worse, is that!

I am quite fond of silliness,
but stupid puts my nerves to test.
When I should zig - I zag instead!
Weird thoughts crawl up inside my head.

If left is right then you will find
I always say what's on my mind.
For go means stop and stay means run,
contrary is my way of fun.

I am not fond of normalness
but rather odd informalness,
where up is down and in goes out,
and life is what it's all about.

It may be now or might be then
I can kvetch on any when!
It's not important that you agree,
for I'm the BRAT in the HAT, you see?

HORSE'S ASS is available as archival prints and giclees on canvass at PopArtDiva.Com. All posts and original images are copyright 2008 by PopArtDiva.com, unless otherwise specified. All rights reserved. No permission is given to copy, distribute or reproduce without written permission from PopArtDiva.com.